books read in 2015

• The Girl on the Train by: Paula Hawkins [15] ****
• Paper Towns by: John Green [14] ***
• The Invention of Wings by: Sue Monk Kidd [13] ****
• Go Set a Watchman by; Harper Lee [12] ***
• To Kill A Mockingbird by: Harper Lee [11] *****
• The Good Girl by: Mary Kubica [10] ****
• Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by: J.K. Rowling [9] *****
• The Secrets of Midwives by: Sally Hepworth [8] ****
• Hope; A Memoir or Survival in Cleveland by: Amanda Berry and Gina DeJesus [7] ***
• Prodigy by: Marie Lu [6] ***
• Legend by: Marie Lu [5] ***
• The Duff by: Kody Keplinger [4] ***
• The Rose Garden by: Susanna Kearsley [3] ***
• I've Got Your Number by: Sophie Kinsella [2] ***
• The Girl You Left Behind by: Jojo Moyes [1] ****

This was a slow reading year for me. Back pain and a very rough pregnancy kept me from being able to focus. i probably started more than double the amount of books I finished. Oh well. I literally did not finish a book after Tommy was born in September. 

And since I never blog on this blog anymore, look before for past years. 

books read in 2014

books read in 2014:

• Yes Please by: Amy Poehler [28] ***
• How Mrs. Claus Saved Christmas by: Jeff Guinn [27] **
• The Bone Garden by: Tess Gerrison [26] **
• The Hypnotist's Love Story by: Liane Moriarty [25] ****
• The Sandcastle Girls by: Chris Bohjahlin [24] ***
• Ordinary Grace by: William Kent Krueger [23] ***
• Big Little Lies by: Liane Moriarty [22] ****
• The Last Anniversary by: Liane Moriarty [21] ****
• Finding Me by: Michelle Knight [20] ***
• This Is Where I Leave You by: Jonathan Topper [19] ***
• Three Wishes by Liane Moriarty [18] ****
• Tell the Wolves I'm Home by: Carol Rifka Brunt [17] ***
• The Paris Wife by: Paula McLain [16] ***
• Winter Garden by: Kristin Hannah [15] ***
• Love Life by: Rob Lowe [14] ***
• Bad Monkey by: Carl Hiasson [13] ***
• Where Did You Go Bernadette? by: Maria Semple [12] ***
• Love, Stargirl by: Jerry Spinelli [11] **
• Stargirl by: Jerry Spinelli [10] ****
• The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder by: Rebecca Wells [9] ***
• The Light in the Ruins by: Chris Bohjahlin [8] ****
• The Fault in Our Stars by: John Green [7] ****
• What Alice Forgot by: Liane Moriarty [6] ****
• Wild by: Cheryl Strayed [5] ***
• Me Before You by: Jojo Moyes [4] ****
• The Round House by: Louise Erdrich [3] ****
• Roll Of Thunder, Hear My Cry by: Mildred D. Taylor [2] ***
• The Illusion of Separateness by: Simon Van Booy [1] ***

2013

2012

2011

2010

2009

things are a changing...

so for years i have talked about losing weight. i've even tried for a few days at a time. and slowly, i've gained more and more weight. sure, i had two kids, but i also ate more and more. it wasn't pretty for me. i started really not liking what i was seeing. i never have been a big "check myself out in front of the mirror multiple times a day" kinda girl, but for a long time, i have downright avoided mirrors. it was embarrassing. i didn't think nice things about myself. i've probably always been way too hard on myself, but the mental abuse i put myself through for the last few years was not good. and it didn't help. 

i didn't know what to do. i could join a gym or weight watchers, but that's expensive. and i don't have money to just waste if i wasn't truly committed. about a month ago, i decided things needed to change. i really wanted to do something. 2014 was going to be my year and it was half over. sure, i've had two kidney stone surgeries this year, along with a few other excuses i could come up with... but really when i thought about it, the kidney stone issue was even more reason that i needed to do something. i do not want that problem back. and it very well could happen. i could be prone to them, regardless of my diet. but... if diet has anything to do with it, deep down i knew i owed it to myself to avoid it. my sister had told me about the bikini body mommy and i had even done a few of her workouts for a few days. i think i even did her first challenge for about 5 days straight earlier in the year. and like always, i tanked. something happened and i gave up. and comforted myself with a burger and fries. 

here's what is hard about having natural skinniness on your side until your mid to late 20's... you never learn to monitor yourself. you're used to being able to eat as many oreos as you want in one sitting. and chocolate shakes? well they belong with a burger and fries, doi. anyway, in my early years, i was a picky eater - but as an adult, i discovered things like sour cream and deviled eggs and heaven only knows i washed it all down with a dr pepper. i have never been "athletic," didn't play sports in high school, and have never enjoyed working out. i'm a reader, i like to listen to music, to watch movies, to make people laugh. breaking a sweat, not my thing.

but being ashamed when you look at yourself in a mirror is brutal. i know i am a good person. deep down, i like me. but i hated the way i look. and i knew my health was suffering. so, i finally got moving. got my ass off the couch, if you will. 

so, i spent a few days thinking and really stewing about what i was going to do. i talked a little about it with my husband, but in my mind i was really plotting. i thought i was going to join weight watchers... that is even what we talked about doing. then on a monday morning (july 21st to be exact) i was on bikini body mommy's website and i bought her success journal ($15). as soon as garrett was off the phone, i poked my head in there and told him what i did. and i said i was going to get the book printed that very day and i was going to start her workouts. 

i got the book printed (>$25) that day. and i did the workout. and i took my measurements and pictures. and i hated those numbers and the picture. but i told myself this was going to be the end of it. and the next day i did it again. and again and again. 

today is day 26. monday we do our day 30 pictures and measurements again. i'm not skinny or even fit yet, but i can tell a difference. i've lost about 14 pounds. i've lost a lot of inches, especially in certain places like my belly. my face isn't as fat. i wore a pair of pants this week that fit comfortably. before this all started, i couldn't wear them, they were obscenely tight and i couldn't even button them. 

garrett is doing this with me, in fact most days we do the workouts together on his lunch break. when i told him i was going to print the success journal, he told me to print him one, too. he's doing great, too. it is good for both of us. i'm proud of him but i'm not telling his story. i'm glad we're doing this together, mostly because of the eating. i'm eating a lot healthier and it wouldn't work if one of us was eating ice cream every night. that person might not survive the night, ha. 

we're using our fitbits that we got earlier this year. we're logging our food on our fitbit. we log our activities, too. i'm loving my success journal. it really helps for me to have a place to write down thoughts, feelings, and what i'm doing. 

most days i go for a walk in the morning - about 2-3 miles. i don't count that as my exercise because it just helps me get to 10,000 steps. that is a daily goal, to just be moving more. the bikini body mommy workouts are my workout. and they are tough. but i  can do them. for free. at home. with my kids underfoot. 

so i'm 26 days in. i have not skipped a day yet. sure, there have been days where i've gone over my desired calorie deficit. but not grossly. there have been days where i've had treats. but i've kept track. and those days are happening less and less because i'm figuring things out and it isn't as hard, mentally any more. physically it is still kicking my butt. i sweat like crazy now. but i like it. i never thought i would. there has not been a day where i've missed my exercise, except sundays. sundays are the rest day and i have taken advantage of them. mommy likey sundays. 

today was probably the first time i even thought about skipping a workout. i had a huge costco trip to make this morning. so my morning routine was off. and then we went to my mom and dad's for dinner. but at 8:30 when the kids were finally in bed, i knew i had some calories to make up for. normally my work out is over early in the day, and i'm not eating calories that i haven't earned yet. but tonight, i was a few hundred calories over. so we did our bikini body mommy workout. and then i jumped on the treadmill until i got to 10,000 steps. i didn't even really want to skip, it just could've happened pretty easily. but we're doing this together and so instead of plopping on the couch watching shark week, we got our move on. 

i'm excited. its a 90 day challenge, which goes until mid october. i'm excited to see where i am at the end of this challenge. i have a goal to lose at least 20 more pounds. i know i can do it. the craziest thing to me is most of the time i don't even want the junk. i can see how my body is using food for energy and strength. i feel better when i eat healthier. and the few times i've had the junk, i didn't feel as good. i don't even want dr pepper anymore, which is pretty much a miracle. 

i feel stronger. i push myself everyday to do better than i did on the last workout. i am amazed at what i am doing. and i am feeling better and better about myself. the less negative self-talk, the better, right? 

a more effective me...

i was reading a book the other day and one of the characters talked about how she had read the seven habits of highly effective people. one of those habits is list making. 

when i was teaching, i always had to do lists going, especially on friday afternoons which was my weekly block of planning time. i found great satisfaction in crossing items off my list. i made good use of my time [mostly] and got things done. it helped me stay organized throughout the following week and my teaching was better, too. 

as a stay at home mom, i've never been able to shake the mindset of being off track. when i was off track, my days were relaxed and unproductive. i got to things when i got to them. as a stay at home mom, i've never felt good at it. my house is clean, usually. its not tidy though which i'm not sure it ever will be with two little boys. but somedays i feel overwhelmed at the clutter and unfortunately i tend to ignore things that overwhelm me. 

anyway back to the book. i got to thinking about how when i was a teacher, i was effective when i made lists. i thought, i should make a list of 5 things to do everyday. above and beyond changing diapers, feeding the boys, and just continuing to live. i want my list to include things that are reasonable, but not necessary. i also want to include one spiritual goal, one service oriented goal [even if it is just a little cleaning project/laundry] and one physical goal.

today's list:

• enter huggies codes so i can get the things off my desk
• make flashcards for mikey
• read an ensign article
• laundry - whites. includes putting away, too.
• exercise

i've done the huggies codes, i've downloaded the flashcards just need to print, read this article, and i did day two in my ab and squat challenge. i plan to do a bikini body mommy workout still. 

but here's what else i've done: read books to my kids, gotten them dressed, made smoothies, made mikey's bed, cleaned up a mess of books that mikey and henry had fun with, and this blog post, complete with links and all. all before 9:15 am. 

that's productive for stay at home hayley. 

ok, i'm off to start a load of whites. 

thoughts from a shower

that post title could attract some very dirty people. i assure everyone, that is not what this post is about... so if you came here looking for slime, please go away.

while in the shower just a few minutes ago, i had a huge burst of love for my mom. she's strong. she's amazing. she's beautiful. in so many ways, each of these things. when catastrophe has struck in my life, which it has, she's been a huge back bone. a rock. i'm not sure i sing her praises enough for all the world to know. i've always been a daddy's girl, but that doesn't mean i'm not a momma's girl, too. i am. 

my house smells divine right now. i've got a pork roast simmering away in the crock pot for some pulled pork sandwiches tonight. i'm about to go make a homemade pound cake. i bought some ciabatta rolls at the store today that should be delish. and i will probably whip up a yummy salad to go with. my parents are coming over for dinner tonight. my boys will be delighted when grandma and grandpa show up. 

welp... henry just woke up from his nap. i'm off to change a pooper and snuggle a ginger. 

may is practically over!?

i've been stalling out lately when it comes to eating healthy and exercise. as in... i'm eating a bowl of ice cream every night after the kids are in bed. and my workouts aren't happening. i don't like it. i mentally beat myself up about it all of the time. my clothes are tight again. i feel so pudgy.

i need to pull my head out of my you know what. i'm just not there yet. i don't like this.

i've been reading lots of good books lately. i never thought i'd be this person, but i actually highly prefer to read on my ipad now instead of an actual book. i got an ipad mini a few months ago, so i've even replaced the kindle. i've figured out a few tricks about checking books out easier from the library. reading does my little heart and mind good.

my kids are huge. i love them. their personalities are so strong and so different. they really entertain me. motherhood isn't easy. that's for sure, but it is grand. i love wrestling with them and snuggling with them. i'm not sure what is better. i think it is good that i do both.

yesterday morning my back started hurting. well, it had been hurting slightly for a few days. but my lower back all of a sudden was so tight i couldn't sit. this blog post  is the longest i've sat up in 36 hours. i'm going to have the shakes by the time i'm done. but i just want to get up and walk around. standing up i'm super crooked, but i crave it. i want to walk and to stand normally. i might need to go see my ol' chiropractor. i just don't want to pay for it yet.

because you know... i'm still paying off the thousands and thousands we owe in kidney stones. good news there: another month or two and i'm even. yay.

this year is flying by for me. what about you?

three and a half and 15 months

i love having two little boys. if i had girls, i'd love them. if i had a mix, i'd love that, too. i'm not saying i'm better than you because of my situation. i'm just saying - i love my kids. i grew up with all sisters. there were no cars, guns, balls. ok there were probably a few of those things... but, not the obsessions like we have here.

lately i've been thinking a lot about how similar they are and at the same time how different. they have the same manner, temper if you will. they're both easy going, happy little fellas. they're both independent, self-entertainers. i love that. i love that i can work part time from home at my computer and they'll typically just play and keep themselves busy. they play together and laugh... oh man, their giggles - melts a momma's heart. sure, i have to help here and there with things, but it makes things nice for me. but there are differences, too.

mikey is sensitive. he is a rule follower. i told him one time not to say "stupid" and "hate" (on two different occasions) in passing, that is now law. if you say those words around him, expect to be corrected. he is smart and inquisitive. he likes to talk and ask questions and figure things out. he's not a baby anymore, at all. he's a kid. he thinks. he goes to school, loves it and does well there. he is methodical, he is habitual. there are times when i am perplexed because he'll do something that frustrates me - because he is a little me. it is a good thing i'm pretty awesome, cause so is he. ha. he has some of my more difficult traits, but he also has my better ones, too. i also realize that he's 3. and from what i've heard and seen, probably the hardest age. so if this is him at his worst, i'll take it. he's a good boy. i often say mikey should've been a little brother because he loves big kids, but he is also an amazing big brother. he is protective and generous, most of the time.

henry. this little bundle of joy. this kid got me through a difficult 2013. my angel. happy to the core. now that he's less baby and more toddler, his personality shows more. if mikey is the rule follower, henry is the rebel. he has such a sense of humor. he wants to figure everything out. he is his own little man. i think he is a little young to say he is not a good listener, but he's not. if you tell him no - about something, like throwing a ball down the stairs - he turns and smiles as he chucks it down the stairs anyway. he is very quirky, i am finding. he loves flip flops, but hates all other shoes. ("we don't say hate!") he loves balls. ball is one of his few words he is saying right now at 15 months old. at the doctor's office last week, when the pediatrician was asking me what he can and can't do, i said, "he knows where his nose and ears are, but he probably won't perform." so i asked him, and he shook his head at me. the doc said that it was fine - he understands things very well. he knew exactly what i wanted him to do, he just wasn't willing. i sometimes worry that he's going to get away with things that he shouldn't because he smiles about it, but ... he'll turn out fine, i think. he is small in stature but mighty in spirit. he is a face maker. he is a climber. he is a stinker. he is into everything. everyone that knows him adores him.

anyway. i just like my little boys. i enjoy their personalities. they can drive me up a wall at times, but they also make me laugh harder than anyone i know and they bring me so much happiness and peace. i'm so thankful for the job they give me everday - "mom." it is not easy, but it is the best one ever.

nothing much to say but i wanted a change

i've gotten my butt in gear. i'm exercising daily. i'm eating better. it feels good. i am even losing weight. we got fitbit flexes & i move more and more.

my kids are getting big. mikey has whiney times, but for the most part i thoroughly enjoy him. well rested & that kid is an absolute champ. he is funny, intelligent, and a sweetheart. henry is busy. he always has something in his mouth - a car, a binky that he chews on, a block... doesn't matter, he's just always sticking something in there. he is fun to play with. he cracks up and his laugh will melt anyone's heart. his top teeth are growing in at a weird pace & his smile is funny looking. i wouldn't change it for anything. his chubby cheeks get kissed often.

i've been reading good books lately. i love being in a good reading phase. it does my heart good.

life is good and i am happy. i like being happy. last year wasn't always a happy year for me. it is such a relief to be back in a better spot. i am so thankful for my little family.

so sick of being sick

less than a week before christmas, mikey got sick. it was worse than just a cold, so we took him in and low and behold - he had strep. at that time, henry was a little wheezy from a cold and was put on his nebulizer for a week for breathing treatments. by christmas eve morning, my throat hurt so bad i wanted to die. i had strep too. my family told me i'd be feeling better by christmas morning, but they were wrong. very wrong. it took 4 days ON ANTIBIOTICS to get feeling better. not great, just better. the day after christmas garrett was diagnosed with strep. right around the time my antibiotics were over for strep, i started feeling weird. a weird stomach ache/cramps that i didn't know what to do about. i didn't say much about it at first. i just had weird pains... looking back now if i ever get those pains again, i'll go straight to the urologist. around the time i had the weird pains start, one night i felt like i had to pee constantly. the next morning i went to the doc and said, "i have a bladder infection." there was blood in my urine but i wasn't showing lots of symptoms for bladder infections, but they treated me for one because of the blood and the frequency of going. by the time that was over with, i swear i felt like i was best friends with my doctor. we had scheduled a physical in order to get a biometric screening done for a huge discount for our medical insurance. i finished my last antibiotic for the bladder infection on friday afternoon. saturday morning was the physical. we talked about the weird pain i was having - she thought it might be an ovarian cyst - not much you can do for those, but suffer the pain unless they are really big and then they do a surgery. i was also diagnosed with round two of strep. and she warned me that if i have strep again right away, i'd need to see an ENT. [ear, nose, and throat specialist]

early monday morning, i woke up with the pain amped up about 100 times and then the vomiting started. i was beside myself. i seriously thought i was dying. i called my parents and asked them to come help me. by the time they got here, it was pretty much decided that i couldn't wait for the doctor's office to open, i needed to go to the ER. off we went. i couldn't even sit down - that pain is like nothing i've ever felt. and i couldn't stop barfing. we went to the ER and after a few hours they figured out that it was kidney stones. boy, pain killers can sure be a life saver. i vaguely remember the morphine getting into my veins the first time and being able to just relax a little. it didn't take the pain away, i just could stop. stop panicking, stop vomiting, stop so miserable. i think i even calmed down enough to fall asleep for a few minutes. they sent me home monday afternoon with instructions to get to the urologist tomorrow. i did. we found out that day that the hospital wasn't in network with our insurance [whoops, that was a mistake, we thought it was] and we needed to go to a different hospital [better in our opinion, but further away...] and that surgery would be necessary within a few days. my kidney stoneS were large. on the right side, both were bigger than what can be passed. [found out a few days later that i also have kidney stones on the left kidney, but they won't do both kidneys at once - risk of renal failure, so they wait a month.]

did i mention that while throwing up on monday morning i ruptured my eardrum? it was slightly infected, along with the strep. i've never ruptured an ear drum before - it hurts terribly. sharp pain in the ear and loss of hearing. takes about 4 - 6 weeks to recover. not much you can do there for it. super awesome. 

they called me wednesday early afternoon to tell me that surgery was going to be friday, and that i needed to stop taking ibuprofen. i could continue my narcotic, but i needed both narcotic and ibuprofen to manage the pain. wednesday was also henry's 1st birthday. we had invited our whole family on both sides over for dinner. i had downgraded the party to just cake on tuesday, as i was not feeling well. the pain meds were working, but no one should throw a birthday party on pain killers. ha. before the party started that evening, i knew i was doomed. i vomited once, but felt better after. my pain was increasing as the minutes ticked on. my parents and garrett did EVERYTHING for that party. my mom decorated the cakes. she helped garrett with decorations. my dad cleaned and helped with the kids. i layed on the couch barking orders and feeling like crap. i knew i was going to need to go back to the hospital, i just didn't know when. i knew i wasn't going to make it til friday.  the party happened. i was there physically at least, probably not really mentally though. everyone left pretty early and i was in bed by 8 pm. 

2 am thursday morning came around and i was awake. the pain was becoming intolerable again. i felt nauseated. [you can really tell a difference without the ibuprofen!]  i tossed and turned for a while until i finally woke up garrett and said, "i think i'm going to need to go back to the hospital this morning. i can't take it." he wondered why we should wait. i didn't even hesitate, and said, "you're right. i'll call my parents." my dad answered at 2:36 and they were here by 3. by the time they pulled up, i was such a wreck that i was waiting outside for them. we jumped in the car, they took over the boys for the next 36+ hours. my parents are saints. they are life savers. there is no one out there that i would've felt comfortable leaving my babies with like that. they know the kids, they know their drill, i knew they would all be fine. 

i spent a few hours in the ER and then by late morning they admitted me to the hospital until after the surgery the following day. i was in the hospital until after the surgery friday afternoon. late afternoon. as in no food or drink all day. its a good thing i've got a little meat on my bones - i survived. 

the surgery wasn't bad. i was out for it. ha. [the anesthesiologist was a little bit rude to me, basically treated me like a crack whore. but that's another store for another time] the recovery hasn't been fun. its been 10 days now & i still don't feel great. i'm not terrible anymore, but there has been pain. bad enough that i've contemplated the ER again, had i not been warned that it could get bad... the stent hurt and was very uncomfortable. the removal was a little scary but the 4 -5 days after that were worse. talk about over active bladder and cramping again! pain killers are a good thing, let me tell you. 

the good news is i am a ticking time bomb until the end of february - when my next surgery is. hopefully then i won't need the stent after. i shouldn't, based on my knowledge of why i got the first one and what the situation on lefty is. 

since january 1 - i have lost 10 pounds. mostly from not eating and being sick. when i have eaten, i've tried to eat better. i was planning on doing a 30 day smoothie challenge. it hasn't happened. i've made more smoothies this month than i had for months, but it surely isn't enough. i have indulged in some comfort eating, but you know what? i've been miserable. i could've done better, but i sure as hell could've done a lot worse! i haven't felt good enough to exercise yet... that is a february goal now. i am proud of myself because i have lost weight, despite all of this crap. i easily could've clogged more arteries and comforted myself more. i'm not beating myself up for what hasn't happened, i'm just continuing to try to do better and acknowledge what i have done. and i'm going to pray everyday that i never get kidney stones again. they're the worse. 

i've got 2 or so more days of antibiotics that they sent me home from the hospital with. for the strep and post surgery. yesterday i woke up with a cold coming on, which is super fun when you already have a clogged ear and pain there.  my throat doesn't hurt yet, but the second time i had strep i didn't even have a sore throat. just swollen glands. you could see the strep in the back of my throat. i'm too scared to even look at my throat now. i'm really hoping that i don't have strep again, cause we've blown through our flex spending money and i don't like our co-pay for specialists. 

oh and - henry is back on nebulizer treatments.

my advice: do not get kidney stones. 

henry is one!

i can't believe this baby is one. he's becoming less and less a baby every day, too. in some ways, it seemed like a long year - that ol' 2013. but in henry time, it flew. i feel like he was only a newborn for about 5 minutes. i remember he was easy and sweet. he smelled good. he liked his momma best. [by the way, he still does.] he had a huge head. he rarely cried. he has always been a happy boy. easy going and smiley. he loves his brother. he loves his daddy. he likes to play games. scratch that - he loves to play games. he likes to use his looks to get away with naughtiness. he has been a huge source of peace and happiness in my life. i'm so glad he joined our family. he makes me happy all of the time. he's just the easiest thing to love still. [no talking back yet, no arguing... you know. i still adore the 3 year old, he's just harder now!]

i'm so thankful for this angel. i tell heavenly father every day "thank you for giving him to me when you did!" 

happy 1st birthday, my hugglemonster! i love you!

books read in 2013

well, this year was a considerably small reading year for me. i was busy. lots of things going on. way more than normal number of nights going to bed without reading at all. i hope 2014 catches back up!

i typically post about books that i've read every year. see past years here. 2012. 2011. 2010. 2009.

here's what i read this year: i'll go back and rate them again, without going to my official goodreads rating - based off my current memory.

• My Story by: Elizabeth Smart [22] ****
• Heft by: Liz Moore [21] ****
• The Rent Collector by Camron Wright [20] *****
• The Namesake by: Jhumpa Lahiri [17] ***
• To Kill a Mockingbird by: Harper Lee [16] *****
• Can You Keep a Secret? by: Sophie Kinsella [15] ***
• The Storyteller by: Jodi Picoult [14] ****
• Looking for Me by: Beth Hoffman [13] ****
• And the Mountains Echoed by: Khaled Hosseini [12] ****
• The Language of Flowers by: Vanessa Diffenbaugh [11] ****
• The Orchardist by: Amanda Coplin [10] ****
• Crazy Little Thing by: Tracy Brogan [9] **
• Jane Eyre by: Charlotte Bronte [8] **
• Beautiful Ruins by: Jess Walter [7] **
• The End of Your Life Bookclub by: Will Schwalbe [6] ***
• The Light Between Oceans by: M.L. Stedman [5] ****
• Before I Die by: Jenny Downham [4] **
• The Twelve Tribes of Hattie by: Ayana Mathis [3] ***
• The 19th Wife by: David Ebershoff [2] ***
• Sharp Objects by: Gillian Flynn [1] ***
• The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder by Rebecca Wells [18] ****
• The Cuckoo's Calling by: Robert Galbraith [19] ***

favorite books: The Rent Collector, The Storyteller, The Light Between Oceans.

i boldied any books that got a four star or higher rating - cause i would highly recommend them to you! 

project life: my testimonial & plans for 2014

2013 is coming to a close and i'm ok with it. i'm ready for a new year. to leave some things in the past and to have a fresh start. to become bigger and better and smaller all at the same time. [smaller body wise. ha] there were some amazing things that happened this year - henry, for example, has been an absolute thrill. but there have also been some life changing, devastating things - which i won't go into detail about, cause if you don't know, you don't need to know, and if you do know, you know exactly what i am talking about. 

one thing that has - as cheesy as this sounds - gotten me through this year is project life by becky higgins. i got to meet becky this fall in downtown salt lake city & when i started talking to her, i burst into tears. it meant so much to me. i felt like such a nerd & probably scared the crap out of her. my mom was with me when i met her & as we walked away, i told her how embarrassed i was. i mean, i snorted and did the ugly cry at her. my mom pointed out that it has been a tough year for me & project life has gotten me through it. it has been my escape from stress. it has been my happy place. 

 i have been doing project life since mikey was born. his baby book and henry's baby book were project life kits. [mikey was cherry edition, henry's book is baby edition for him. paper kits, not digital.] it is a lot of work, but worth it. i cherish these books. my boys can have them when i am good and dead, i joke. only i might not be joking. a picture a day for their first lives - priceless. i did a family book in 2012, using the clementine on shutterfly approach, which is digital. i had never done digital scrapbooking before [note, i am not a scrapbooker, i am a project lifer. i was just being clear here.] and it was easy. i liked it a lot. in 2013, i have used digital pages by another designer, because i was doing henry's book and i wanted a simpler approach -- only because i couldn't keep up with 2 daily pictures. but i wanted a family book for "big events." i have loved it. i much prefer becky's stuff and am greatly looking forward to 2014's book. 

in 2014, i'm going digital. i have 2 weeks to finish up of henry's book and then it'll just be our family book for the year. i am going to do a two page spread for each week. on the left side, i am going to use the capture app on my phone for daily pictures. i will be using the midnight kit and the design F layout. on the right side, i will be doing "events" from every week. birthdays, field trips, art projects, whatever i please. i will use any and every kit from becky that i want - and believe me, this year i have bought way too many, so my selection is grand and any layout i want, too. i am super excited about this. it is going to give me lots of options and lots of freedom.   

the thing is though, project life doesn't just have to be a daily family album. here is a list of some of the other project life albums i've done this year. seriously, i went buck wild. don't judge. 

• a 9 year journal of my teaching years. i did a mini album using the childhood mayfield kit. this is kinda what got me started in mini albums and other things. i love it. paper kit, not digital. 
• a mini album about my parent's house, a stories of home album before they were called that, as they were leaving chicago and their home of 40ish years. this is what we would call a tray-sure. i used the seafoam kit. 
• a stories of home album about my house. it is a cracker box but it is where i bought a house as a 25 year old, independent woman, we lived as newlyweds, and brought home two babies. i never want to forget it. another mini album using the flea market mini kit.
• a childhood album using pictures from my parents' supply. my dad has always been a photographer, so we have a well documented childhood. my incredibly generous sister took all of their photos and had them scanned and shared. so we now all have all of the pictures of our childhood digitally. you should be jealous. this is beyond amazing. i used a full size album for this and many page protectors, and the olive edition. paper kit, not digital. another tray-sure.
• a friend got married. i did a mini album of her wedding pictures for her. i used the midnight kit. 
• my sister is a quilter. i did a photo journal of all of her quilts for her. i used a mini album and the kraft kit.
• "a day in the life" mini album. where we documented the snot out of a day in may. we took over 400 pictures of a saturday. it was a jam packed saturday, too. so much fun. i used a mini album and the kraft kit. 
• my dad worked for united airlines for 46+ years. he retired in 2012. i made an album for him, documenting his world travels, his career experiences, and much more. i left the journaling for him to do. he still hasn't done that part yet, but i will make him in 2014. and i know he cherishes the book. it is cool. we did a full size album and used the vintage travel kit. paper kit, not digital.
• i did a "garrett and hayley before the kids" book. i want my kids to someday be able to look back and realize that their parents were madly in love before they came along. ha. mini album using midnight and olive, mostly olive. just a few midnight highlights. 
• i have started and continue to work on a quote and art book by mikey. at age 2, he started saying some real zingers. they need to be documented. i love this book. full size album, using the jade kit. 
• i am also doing a december mini album using the merry and bright kit. 
• i also have plans to start a personal weight loss journal for 2014. i won't be sharing this book with many. i will include before/after pictures. journaling, goals, all kinds of stuff. i just want to have some way to document this journey. cause i know project life gets me moving. and i really want to make a push for a healthier hayley. i've got less than a week to get my plans finalized here. it'll be a mini album. i'm using the slate edition for this. 

so as you see, this doesn't just have to be a daily book. there are so many choices. i love so many of them. i have bought mostly digital, but some of the actual kits, as noted above. i have bought from amazon, michaels, hobby lobby, and the digital project life website.  

geez. i was going to link up all of the kits and websites. but it is late and i decided not to. [ha. late = 8:45 tonight. i'm still recovering from having strep this week. eek!] you can look them up on project digital life. 

i will also continue to use my other blog to keep updates for our project life. i'm not exactly sure how i'll share this year. maybe just the capture pictures, daily. maybe more. maybe less. maybe i'll just share the weekly two page spread. i don't know. we'll see. i've got to figure that out still. 

not happening

my goal of 2.2 is not happening. not even close. i started a part time job from home and i love it, but it keeps me a lot busier than i was when i wrote that blog post. come january though. hell or high water, i will get super serious about this.

nothing but diet pills and laxatives til summer. or something like that.

i'm not completely giving up and indulging in every little thing, i'm trying to exercise when i can. but it is a treaty time of year. and busy. and i'm just enjoying it and trying to not beat myself up too much. it is hard when i see pictures of myself, but i'm going to survive.

68. 150. 2point2. goals.

except i do daily, on my other blog. project life, baby. it is my favorite.

here's the point of this post: there are 68 days left in the year. my baby is 9 months old. i have not lost my baby weight. i did lose 11 pounds in april. but i have gained it all and more back. i don't like this. but i'm not going to beat myself up. its been a hard year. i have succeeded in so many other areas of my life. i'm not going to beat myself up and i'm not going to look back.

i started watching scandal this week. it is good. i told myself that i'm not allowed to watch it unless i'm on the treadmill. we recently improved greatly upon the tv watching situation while on the treadmill. momma likey. mucho. 3 days in a row i've gladly gotten on at 4 pm when garrett is done with work for the day. 

[this is not scandal. this picture was taken before i discovered scandal, but after the tv watching situation was greatly improved on the treadmill, last week. i realize there is only so much scandal to watch. i will watch other shows, as well. but for now, my interest is there.]

i'm getting started again. stress in my life is going down, i think i can handle not comforting myself all of the time with food. less french fries and pans of chocolate chip cookie bars. less. i make no promises of none. i'm tired of my clothes not fitting. i'm tired of my double chin. i'm tired of being embarrassed. 

i want to set a goal: to log 150 miles by the end of the year. that'd be roughly 2.2 miles per day. its not impossible, but it will be a challange. i'm gonna do it. 

yep. i say gonna. 

you should watch scandal. it is on netflix. my sister said there is hot love on it. i laugh at her, but she's right.

mikey is three!!!

my sister designed mikey's birthday invitation. it was awesome. we said, "whoa!"

sunday night was family night with garrett's family. we celebrated mikey's birthday then. 

mckay and sindi gave mikey this jake and the neverland pirates treasure chest complete with a sword. he now insists on wearing pants with belt loops. 

tuesday nana took mikey to build a bear, as she does with the grandkids on their 3rd birthday. what a special tradition!

mikey was a little overwhelmed at everything in the store. he fixated on ivor's backpack... until he woke up from his nap and then he fully appreciated ivor. [ivor is the baby's name on henry hugglemonster... one of mikey's new favorite shows. also, where we got any form of hugglemonster nicknames for henry!]

 mikey started preschool last week - before he was even 3! - and this is his teacher giving him a lil' present and singing happy birthday to him. 

grandpa was able to go read a book to the kids on mikey's birthday, too. what a special treat for me, him and mikey. 

 we had mikey's wall*e birthday party last night. grandparents and a few aunts and cousins came. it was fun. 

 mikey got a few REALLY cool airplanes! he is in hog's heaven!!!

 cars cookie cutters!!!  like we need another excuse to have more treats. as i'm typing this, garrett is making the dough! mikey is running around with a balloon in hand squealing in excitement about making cars cookies.

 this airplane came from auntie tiff and crew - its amazing. mikey built the airplane and can take it apart and build it again to his little boy's heart's content. it is seriously awesome! thanks, auntie tiff!

 we made cupcakes [complete with green plants a la my amazing & talented mother] in a cup. courtesy of buy-n-large. 

 the big boy blowing out his candle. you can also see a fairly decent shot of his wall*e t-shirt that we made. this will be a part of our family themed hallloween costumes, too. more on that later. 

auntie heidi gave mikey some water color and finger paints. with special papers. when he opened it last night, i said, "we'll do that tomorrow!" and this morning when we woke up, he had an agenda. we got down to business painting. we might be painting every day for the next while - maybe until we run out of paper or paint. another awesome present.

we didn't even give mikey his big present yet. cause we forgot until everyone was leaving and it was way past his bedtime. its a bike. and since we didn't want to torture the poor kid, we're waiting until tonight when garrett is done with work to give it to him. when they can go outside and play with it for a while. 

i love being his mom. he's a special kid. i am in awe at how fast he's growing up, too.

sometimes i'm a fun mom...

 i melted chocolate chips while mikey had the time of his life beating graham crackers. 

 i love his smile. he looks so big to me sometimes. 

 mikey helped roll the marshmallows in the chocolate and graham cracker crumbs. also, i love henry's photobomb in this picture. 

 sometimes he just had to take a bite out of the 'smellows [as he calls them]

 and then, in the end - he didn't even like them. he kept asking for plain 'smellows. crazy kid. they're delicious treats!

i have never gotten a bad idea from pinterest!

henry @ 5 months

my sister is a photographing genius! 

may was a giant failure

i logged 2 workouts in may. and they were pathetic. i've gained weight back. i'm really ticked at myself.

life is hard right now and i've spent way too much time this last month indulging myself with comfort food. i wish i had the energy to fight life's difficulties with being super strong, but i think i'm suffering from a little situational depression. and we all know that depression doesn't encourage productivity.

i'm going to try to rededicate myself though. calorie counting starts today. more veggies, less donuts. more movement, more green smoothies, less eating my misery away.

april exercise overview & may goals

at the beginning of april, i wrote about my goals. i did ok. some weeks were great. some weren't. it is ok. life is tough right now, and quite frankly - i'm just proud of myself for not dipping my sorrows in double stufs everynight. i'm down inches and pounds [over 10!]. and there is always may.

i kept an exercise journal. indulge me while i share what/how i did:
4.1 - ML arms with 5 pound weights [until later when i specify that i changed to heavier weights], 30DSlevel2
4.2 - ML arms, 30DS level 2, 50 squats, 15 situps
4.3 - ML arms, 55 squats
4.4 - ML arms, 60 squats, 30DSlevel2
4.5 - ML arms, 70 squats, 30DSlevel2
4.6 - ML arms, 75 squats, c25kw1d1
4.7 - ML arms, 80 squats, 30DSlevel2
4.10 - ML arms, 105 squats, c25kw1d2,
4.11 - ML arms, 110 squats
4.12 - ML arms
4.13 - ML arms, 130 squats, c25kw1d3
4.14 - ML arms, 135 squats
4.15 - 140 squats, c25kw2d1
4.16 - ML arms  with 10 pound weights [from here on out!] 30DSlevel2
4.17 - ML arms, 150 squats, 30DSlevel3, c25kw2d2
4.19 - c25kw2d3
4.20 - ML arms, 160 squats
4.21 - ML arms, 165 squats, c25kw3d1
4.24 - 30DSlevel3, c25kw3d2
4.29 - c25kw3d3

as you can see, i tuckered out as the month went on.  i stopped doing arms and squats super regularly. that wasn't good. like i said though, i did better than i have in the past, and also - i could've done a lot worse.

as for eating and diet - the first two weeks, i did really good with my calorie counting... then i kind of just stopped, but maintained smaller portion control, less snacks/treats and cooking healthier.  i'm going to try to start the calorie counting again. i find it very useful. planning out meals and cooking better really helps too. basically - writing down everything i eat is beneficial just for the purpose of being aware.

here are my may goals:

• food & exercise journaling again.
• Ripped in 30 Days by Jillian Michaels - all 4 weeks, at least 3 days per level. i'd like to get 5 in, but if it only happens 3 times, i'll be satisfied.
• continue with my couch to 5k training. i'm a little behind this week, but i can get caught up.
• Mama Laughlin's arms. I really like this arm workout. every day. 
  
• these two challenges: 
  
  
  
  
  this way i'm still doing squats. and i like the plank part & push ups. [i do girlies] and my abs are so weak, after having 2 babies fairly close together c-section style. and the part about chuck. it'll help for sure.
  
  
  JOIN ME????!
  
  
  i plan on sharing at the end of may my success, too., 

their last few nights

this is the house i grew up in. this is where i was born and raised. this is where i had an ideal childhood, with amazing parents. they've sold it and are moving out to live very close to me in just a few days. 

it is a bittersweet moment in my life. i feel nostalgic to see that house go. to have it not be home anymore. but i'm so excited to have my parents close by. to be able to see them every day if i want to. to have my kids grow up having their grandma and grandpa very close by. [nana and papa are close by & we love that! two sets of grandparents? even better!]

my mom and i were just texting [talk about a modern day miracle - marleeny girl on an iphone!] about how this is one of their last few nights. my parents are exhausted from packing. for months, we've facetimed and they've asked if i want certain things; old toys mainly, some furniture. i've wanted to say yes to everything, but when my 1200 square foot house is pretty maxed out with 4 people in it, i've had to refrain. [don't worry, i've taken some things...] i can't wait til they're here and i can help them unpack and get settled. 

i grew up in this home where saturday mornings were cartoons, a fancy breakfast and then cleaning house. i grew up in this house cuddling my mom almost every morning until i started seminary. i grew up in this house sharing a room with my sisters. [i share with heather for most of my childhood, then a few years with holly] i grew up in this house being afraid of the basement. i grew up in this house with the most amazing, magical christmases you could imagine. i grew up in this house taking baths with my sister and being afraid of bats out side of windows. i grew up in this house having neighborhood wars with the neighborhood kids. i grew up in this house having family home evening - or S.A.M. as we called it. i grew up in this house where i was afraid of the step down living room when it was dark and i'd talk my dad into going upstairs with me when it was time to get ready for bed. i grew up in this house having my sister tell me stories to get me to go to sleep and sleeping sitting up when i was sick. i grew up in this house dusting, vacuuming and cleaning the bathrooms & re-doing it when i cut corners and my dad wasn't satisfied. i grew up in this house learning what "lengthen your stride" and "decide to decide" meant. i grew up in this house with an incredibly cheerful mom teaching seminary at a very early hour - wanting to hurt her for being too happy and loud when i was tired. i grew up in this house having family dinners where we talked about things and often i got told to not talk about bodily functions so much. i grew up in this house with parents who loved to high five each other, even when i was highly embarrassed, in fact - i'm pretty sure it was done to highly embarrass me. i grew up in this house where my mom made amazing cinnamon rolls. and gingerbread houses. and many other things. i grew up in this house lining up in the kitchen to kiss my dad when he got home. 

life was good on firestone drive. i'm so glad i had the childhood that i did, i was so blessed. i'm thankful for my parents - they're amazing people. i know they'll be missed. but they will be enjoyed out here, i promise. i think utah might finally start to feel like home to me now. so in the next few days, as i fight tears knowing that i will never go in that house again, i'll remember all of the wonderful things and smile. and then head over to my parents' new house and hug them. life will still be good, just on a different street.

this isn't my goodbye forever, chicago.