things are a changing...

so for years i have talked about losing weight. i've even tried for a few days at a time. and slowly, i've gained more and more weight. sure, i had two kids, but i also ate more and more. it wasn't pretty for me. i started really not liking what i was seeing. i never have been a big "check myself out in front of the mirror multiple times a day" kinda girl, but for a long time, i have downright avoided mirrors. it was embarrassing. i didn't think nice things about myself. i've probably always been way too hard on myself, but the mental abuse i put myself through for the last few years was not good. and it didn't help. 

i didn't know what to do. i could join a gym or weight watchers, but that's expensive. and i don't have money to just waste if i wasn't truly committed. about a month ago, i decided things needed to change. i really wanted to do something. 2014 was going to be my year and it was half over. sure, i've had two kidney stone surgeries this year, along with a few other excuses i could come up with... but really when i thought about it, the kidney stone issue was even more reason that i needed to do something. i do not want that problem back. and it very well could happen. i could be prone to them, regardless of my diet. but... if diet has anything to do with it, deep down i knew i owed it to myself to avoid it. my sister had told me about the bikini body mommy and i had even done a few of her workouts for a few days. i think i even did her first challenge for about 5 days straight earlier in the year. and like always, i tanked. something happened and i gave up. and comforted myself with a burger and fries. 

here's what is hard about having natural skinniness on your side until your mid to late 20's... you never learn to monitor yourself. you're used to being able to eat as many oreos as you want in one sitting. and chocolate shakes? well they belong with a burger and fries, doi. anyway, in my early years, i was a picky eater - but as an adult, i discovered things like sour cream and deviled eggs and heaven only knows i washed it all down with a dr pepper. i have never been "athletic," didn't play sports in high school, and have never enjoyed working out. i'm a reader, i like to listen to music, to watch movies, to make people laugh. breaking a sweat, not my thing.

but being ashamed when you look at yourself in a mirror is brutal. i know i am a good person. deep down, i like me. but i hated the way i look. and i knew my health was suffering. so, i finally got moving. got my ass off the couch, if you will. 

so, i spent a few days thinking and really stewing about what i was going to do. i talked a little about it with my husband, but in my mind i was really plotting. i thought i was going to join weight watchers... that is even what we talked about doing. then on a monday morning (july 21st to be exact) i was on bikini body mommy's website and i bought her success journal ($15). as soon as garrett was off the phone, i poked my head in there and told him what i did. and i said i was going to get the book printed that very day and i was going to start her workouts. 

i got the book printed (>$25) that day. and i did the workout. and i took my measurements and pictures. and i hated those numbers and the picture. but i told myself this was going to be the end of it. and the next day i did it again. and again and again. 

today is day 26. monday we do our day 30 pictures and measurements again. i'm not skinny or even fit yet, but i can tell a difference. i've lost about 14 pounds. i've lost a lot of inches, especially in certain places like my belly. my face isn't as fat. i wore a pair of pants this week that fit comfortably. before this all started, i couldn't wear them, they were obscenely tight and i couldn't even button them. 

garrett is doing this with me, in fact most days we do the workouts together on his lunch break. when i told him i was going to print the success journal, he told me to print him one, too. he's doing great, too. it is good for both of us. i'm proud of him but i'm not telling his story. i'm glad we're doing this together, mostly because of the eating. i'm eating a lot healthier and it wouldn't work if one of us was eating ice cream every night. that person might not survive the night, ha. 

we're using our fitbits that we got earlier this year. we're logging our food on our fitbit. we log our activities, too. i'm loving my success journal. it really helps for me to have a place to write down thoughts, feelings, and what i'm doing. 

most days i go for a walk in the morning - about 2-3 miles. i don't count that as my exercise because it just helps me get to 10,000 steps. that is a daily goal, to just be moving more. the bikini body mommy workouts are my workout. and they are tough. but i  can do them. for free. at home. with my kids underfoot. 

so i'm 26 days in. i have not skipped a day yet. sure, there have been days where i've gone over my desired calorie deficit. but not grossly. there have been days where i've had treats. but i've kept track. and those days are happening less and less because i'm figuring things out and it isn't as hard, mentally any more. physically it is still kicking my butt. i sweat like crazy now. but i like it. i never thought i would. there has not been a day where i've missed my exercise, except sundays. sundays are the rest day and i have taken advantage of them. mommy likey sundays. 

today was probably the first time i even thought about skipping a workout. i had a huge costco trip to make this morning. so my morning routine was off. and then we went to my mom and dad's for dinner. but at 8:30 when the kids were finally in bed, i knew i had some calories to make up for. normally my work out is over early in the day, and i'm not eating calories that i haven't earned yet. but tonight, i was a few hundred calories over. so we did our bikini body mommy workout. and then i jumped on the treadmill until i got to 10,000 steps. i didn't even really want to skip, it just could've happened pretty easily. but we're doing this together and so instead of plopping on the couch watching shark week, we got our move on. 

i'm excited. its a 90 day challenge, which goes until mid october. i'm excited to see where i am at the end of this challenge. i have a goal to lose at least 20 more pounds. i know i can do it. the craziest thing to me is most of the time i don't even want the junk. i can see how my body is using food for energy and strength. i feel better when i eat healthier. and the few times i've had the junk, i didn't feel as good. i don't even want dr pepper anymore, which is pretty much a miracle. 

i feel stronger. i push myself everyday to do better than i did on the last workout. i am amazed at what i am doing. and i am feeling better and better about myself. the less negative self-talk, the better, right? 

nothing much to say but i wanted a change

i've gotten my butt in gear. i'm exercising daily. i'm eating better. it feels good. i am even losing weight. we got fitbit flexes & i move more and more.

my kids are getting big. mikey has whiney times, but for the most part i thoroughly enjoy him. well rested & that kid is an absolute champ. he is funny, intelligent, and a sweetheart. henry is busy. he always has something in his mouth - a car, a binky that he chews on, a block... doesn't matter, he's just always sticking something in there. he is fun to play with. he cracks up and his laugh will melt anyone's heart. his top teeth are growing in at a weird pace & his smile is funny looking. i wouldn't change it for anything. his chubby cheeks get kissed often.

i've been reading good books lately. i love being in a good reading phase. it does my heart good.

life is good and i am happy. i like being happy. last year wasn't always a happy year for me. it is such a relief to be back in a better spot. i am so thankful for my little family.

may was a giant failure

i logged 2 workouts in may. and they were pathetic. i've gained weight back. i'm really ticked at myself.

life is hard right now and i've spent way too much time this last month indulging myself with comfort food. i wish i had the energy to fight life's difficulties with being super strong, but i think i'm suffering from a little situational depression. and we all know that depression doesn't encourage productivity.

i'm going to try to rededicate myself though. calorie counting starts today. more veggies, less donuts. more movement, more green smoothies, less eating my misery away.

april exercise overview & may goals

at the beginning of april, i wrote about my goals. i did ok. some weeks were great. some weren't. it is ok. life is tough right now, and quite frankly - i'm just proud of myself for not dipping my sorrows in double stufs everynight. i'm down inches and pounds [over 10!]. and there is always may.

i kept an exercise journal. indulge me while i share what/how i did:
4.1 - ML arms with 5 pound weights [until later when i specify that i changed to heavier weights], 30DSlevel2
4.2 - ML arms, 30DS level 2, 50 squats, 15 situps
4.3 - ML arms, 55 squats
4.4 - ML arms, 60 squats, 30DSlevel2
4.5 - ML arms, 70 squats, 30DSlevel2
4.6 - ML arms, 75 squats, c25kw1d1
4.7 - ML arms, 80 squats, 30DSlevel2
4.10 - ML arms, 105 squats, c25kw1d2,
4.11 - ML arms, 110 squats
4.12 - ML arms
4.13 - ML arms, 130 squats, c25kw1d3
4.14 - ML arms, 135 squats
4.15 - 140 squats, c25kw2d1
4.16 - ML arms  with 10 pound weights [from here on out!] 30DSlevel2
4.17 - ML arms, 150 squats, 30DSlevel3, c25kw2d2
4.19 - c25kw2d3
4.20 - ML arms, 160 squats
4.21 - ML arms, 165 squats, c25kw3d1
4.24 - 30DSlevel3, c25kw3d2
4.29 - c25kw3d3

as you can see, i tuckered out as the month went on.  i stopped doing arms and squats super regularly. that wasn't good. like i said though, i did better than i have in the past, and also - i could've done a lot worse.

as for eating and diet - the first two weeks, i did really good with my calorie counting... then i kind of just stopped, but maintained smaller portion control, less snacks/treats and cooking healthier.  i'm going to try to start the calorie counting again. i find it very useful. planning out meals and cooking better really helps too. basically - writing down everything i eat is beneficial just for the purpose of being aware.

here are my may goals:

• food & exercise journaling again.
• Ripped in 30 Days by Jillian Michaels - all 4 weeks, at least 3 days per level. i'd like to get 5 in, but if it only happens 3 times, i'll be satisfied.
• continue with my couch to 5k training. i'm a little behind this week, but i can get caught up.
• Mama Laughlin's arms. I really like this arm workout. every day. 
  
• these two challenges: 
  
  
  
  
  this way i'm still doing squats. and i like the plank part & push ups. [i do girlies] and my abs are so weak, after having 2 babies fairly close together c-section style. and the part about chuck. it'll help for sure.
  
  
  JOIN ME????!
  
  
  i plan on sharing at the end of may my success, too., 

small successes

in just over a week, i am officially down over 10 pounds. this is very encouraging to me. and i need it right now.

today i need to do 135 squats. its a lot, but i will do it.

i can see a small difference in my arms. really need to get heavier weights.

i'm also really enjoying the couch to 5k training.

calorie counting is working. some days i eat super healthy. some days, like yesterday i ended up eating wendy's for lunch. and not salad wendy's. a jr. bacon cheeseburger kind of wendy's. but for the rest of the day, i made up for it and kept my calories in line. this is doable. sure, yesterday i could've made healthier choices at wendy's - but i still managed to keep in line.

i can feel a difference in my clothes. i can even see a small difference on my body & in my face. yay!

eating and workout rundown

so i know at the beginning of the year, i posted about wanting to lose weight. i've been trying. i've been eating healthier and exercising. i still have had the treats though. so i'm learning that no matter how many green smoothies i eat, no matter if i eat all of my fruits and veggies in a day, no matter if i'm sweating my butt off from some workout, if i'm still snacking on candy and chocolate - i'm not going to lose weight. its a bitter pill to swallow, but i want to stop being fat. i want to not have a fat face. i want to get into single digit pants again. i want my arms to not be the size of proper thighs.

i am starting a weight loss competition today. first prize will win over $800. that's motivating. think of what i could do with that much money. the competition is based on percentage lost, not pounds. i want to do it. i want to win. not just for the money, but i want to feel better about myself.  i want inches off. big time.

i'll be eating healthier. with the no treats part. well, i'm sure there will be an occasional treat. i'm still human. but i'm counting calories and will count those when i do have them.

i'll be continuing my exercising, which is more than i've done in a really long time.

here are some of my goals:

• couch to 5k training. this means getting on the treadmill 3 times a week and training. i loved it when i did it last year. i am certain that i can do it again. i'll be doing this in the evenings, after the kids are in bed. i think. maybe during nap time. but i've made up my mind that it'll probably be at night.
• walks as often as possible with the kids. on good weather days. in my new double jogger stroller that my incredibly generous sister gave us. 
• this arm routine. only i do 8 girlie pushups instead of walking ones. i'm not flexible enough and it hurts my back. so there. and i don't have all of those weights, so i'm using what i've got for now. we might look into getting heavier weights. everyday. 
  
• this squat challange for april: i'll do some other challange [maybe pushups or sit ups] in may. don't mind the crazy body builder girl in the middle. that's not me. obviously. i did 70 today. holy cow. i can't say i'm looking forward to the end of this month!
  
• some sort of workout dvd. 30 day shred, ripped, cardio max. i did the tracy anderson one - it gave me a tweaked neck. so i'm not doing that one for now. i think my abs aren't strong enough to do all of the crunches, etc. and i was pulling too much on my neck. whatever.  eventually i'd like to do it, because i know that's what i need the most help with. a workout video 5 times a week. 

any other suggestions? 

this is not a new year's resolution post

this post is brought to you today by the makers of my double chin, my super jowley face and my thigh sized arms. i'm talking meat, people. i'm talking avoiding mirrors and having thoughts of ways to off myself - honor killings or mercy killings, depending on who you're thinking of. it's bad.

it took me almost 18 months to really get going after mikey. i thought about it. i did a few things. i talked about it - FOR SURE. but i didn't really get moving until it was too late. 

by too late, i mean that i got pregnant again. pregnancy and exercise don't work for me. i took walks when the weather was decent. but then the blood pressure got high and all of a sudden chasing mikey around my tiny kitchen island was too much work.

for christmas, santa brought me tracy anderson's post pregnancy dvd. i am not going to go animal style and push it - i'll wait until that 6 week check up when the doc gives me the go - ahead, but i'm not waiting almost 18 months this time. after tracy, i'll do the shred and ripped. after that, i don't know. maybe more jillian dvds. maybe more tracy. maybe by the end of the year, i'll even be able to handle some of the  p90x dvds. [not all of the weight lifting ones, i don't think i'll ever care about doing that many pushups...  but the cardio ones!] 

don't worry garrett, i won't start buying any more dvds until i'm in action. i've got to get through what i have before i buy more. ;) 

i also intend to get out and hit the roads, when the weather isn't quite so brutal. with a stroller. maybe even train for another 5k. i'd really like to really run a 5k without the horrible bladder pain that i had because i was newly pregnant. 

this doesn't mean that i won't still make lots of treats in february that i missed out on in december... i'm not going to limit myself right now, food wise. because according to my calculations, the exercise won't really start until march. and i know myself - i don't start pressuring myself about food until i'm ready with the exercise, because otherwise it is just torture. for me, when the exercise is happening, i'm just more disciplined about food - so i'm not wasting those calories i've burned off, you know? 

but there will be a 6 week post baby picture taken & then one monthly after that. i doubt i'll share, but i'll have one for myself & if the results are good enough, maybe. don't hold your breath though. today, you couldn't even get me to answer the door, that's how gross i know i look. i keep trying to be nice and tell myself that some of this is just swelling, and some of it is because i'm sick. and some of it is because i haven't showered yet today... but there is work to be done. 

my 5k wrap up

so... to make sense of this post, i'm going to have to have a little TMI disclaimer. if you can't handle the words bladder and infection used together, stop reading here. i had [have, really - still taking antibiotics for it] a bladder infection last week. the reason i really figured out that i had it was because it hurt to run last monday morning. anyway, i will spare you more details there. but i will do a little plug for those azo pills, those bad boys are genius for a UTI. last wednesday was the only good run i had all week & it was because i was on the azo pills, which numb the bladder. i didn't take one saturday morning. big mistake.

i was hyped up saturday morning. beyond excited. borderline spastic if you will. that should've been good, but as soon as the race started and my phone/ipod started not working right, i blew a frustration fuse and basically never recovered.  i handed off my phone to liz because she had pockets. and then i fell behind and was left the whole rest of the race without music. my own fault. my nike plus app wasn't working either and i got mad at that. i don't know why it mattered - i knew the distance i was running... but i wanted it logged. and when it didn't happen, boom... mental failure. 

then almost immediately it hurt to run. every step i took felt like i was going to pee my pants i had to go so bad. in reality, i knew i didn't need to go, it was just the pressure. so i would run in spurts to keep going, but eventually would have to walk and recover. plus, i hadn't run outside before... my lower calves and shins hurt - the beginning of the race was a pretty steady incline. those were just rookie/beginner problems that i might've been able to overcome. but - with the back pain that i've dealt with in recent months, and shin splint problems - i wasn't where i had originally wanted to be, which was done with training 2 weeks ago. i would've spent these last two weeks doing practice runs. as it was, i only did them on the treadmill... and i can see where that extra training would've helped. a lot. 

 i "ran" with liz and meeja. except i was way behind them & they finished in respectable time. garrett walked with mikey, sam, deanne, madeline, bradley, emity and tiffanie. 

so i had a mental failure early on. i was in pain and a little sick. i walked about half of the time. it didn't go as planned. but - i loved it. it was an awesome learning experience. i will do another. i will keep training. and next time, i won't bother with my phone, i'll take the little nano ipod that we have and clip it to my bra and just go. i am going to start training outside, too. at least once a week. i will keep running on the treadmill, too - that was the whole goal in the beginning - to just be able to get on the treadmill and run for about a half hour/45 minutes while i watch a show on the ipad. races have become an added bonus of fun. 

rip this!

who ever would've thought that this chubber would spend most of her blogging time on workouts these days? 

i'm doing ripped in 30 days. week 1 - i loved it, i could do everything, i felt challanged... started week 2 today - it was hard. some of the moves were difficult and i had to really modify - my back is still a struggle and i have to baby it a little. after the workout, i talked to hojo & she said "you'll build up to it" when i said that if it gets that much harder from week 2 to week 3, i don't know if i'll be able to do it.

after 1 week, i've lost a pound [this is from my starting ripped weight, not my last fgi8 one which was the lowest... i'd love to get down to that!] and 2.5 inches overall. the inches i'm proud of - they've gone no where but down...  so even though i'm not seeing the weight fall off like i'd like, i am seeing inches disappear. yay!

my reward to myself this time is: 6 week six-pack.

i'm also running my first 5k on saturday. terrified. with my back going out and the shin splints, i'd originally wanted to be about 2 weeks ahead of where i am now. but i'm doing it. i'm not going to let the back win. i will finish my couch to 5k training this week - with my last run being the actual 5k. no practice...  which worries me but it is what it is. i can do it!

i still know that i need to be a better eater, and i'm trying. but i also know it could & has been a lot worse.  so i'm giving myself some credit. 

the 28 day shred

my back went out last thursday. it happened during the shred. i didn't give up on my workouts, i was bound and determined to not quit over it. i couldn't let the back injury win. last night at my chiropractor appointment, he advised me strongly to back off on the intense workouts - the shred. i decided that 28 days is good enough. i'm going to give myself a week to heal now. then on to ripped... i hope.

here are my stats:

1. weight gain: 3 pounds! frustrating.  i wanted to lose 10. didn't happen. if i'm honest with myself, i know it was the eating. i didn't do my best and i will next time around. 
2. inches lost: 4.5 - i lost 2 inches on my hips. and 1.5 on my chest. i'm pretty happy with that. i haven't taken pictures yet to compare to - maybe tonight. pretty sure i won't be sharing them. but maybe next time around. didn't make my goal of 10 inches, either. but at least i was almost halfway. i'm happy here.
3. i did level 1: 11 times, level 2: 10 times, level 3: 6 times...  i had never done level 3 before & it was hard, but i really liked it. if i wouldn't have hurt my back, i would've done level 1 four times less and level 3 four times more. 
4. my eating goals were pretty good. could've done better, could've done worse. next time around, that's going to be my biggest focus. this time around, the working out was the easiest part for me. which is weird, but it felt good and i really got into it. i did pretty good with not eating after 8 pm, i usually got all of my fruits and veggies in. next time: i'm going to set a goal to have a smoothie everyday. that really helps with getting in the fruits and veggies. 
5. i bought ripped. it came today from amazon. next week...  if my back can handle it.
6. i did get through my couch to 5k goal - i wanted to get through week 5. i did. and that's with taking a week off when i got shin splints. i'm running for at least 8 minutes straight right now. which isn't really running - its jogging. and 8 minutes is probably nothing to most people, but it is a huge accomplishment for this chubber. 
7. i loved doing the shred. it was the first time ever that i committed to an exercise goal and followed through. i've also loved doing the couch to 5k bit. i'm running a 5k on may 5th. never thought that would happen. 

i will do something again, soon. maybe a combo of running and the shred and ripped - i don't know. i'll figure out what it is & go from there. hopefully my back can cooperate. i've got pounds to lose and motivation for it right now! you would not believe how many times i've cried about this back outtage this time around. i'm trying so hard not let it win!

halfway through the shred

here are my thoughts and feelings on the matter.

• i've gained 2.5 pounds. i don't love this, but because of inches lost i'm not losing motivation or hope. 
• inches lost details: chest - 1.5 inches, waist - .5 inches, hips - 1.5 inches, forearm - .5 inches. giving me an over all total in inches lost: 4. that is encouraging.
• i can easily wear a size smaller than what i was wearing at my heaviest. and i was barely able to squeeze into them. now, the size smaller is getting too loose and i'm considering moving into an even smaller size.
• i bought 2 pairs of capris to wear this summer in the size smaller. granted they are stretchy, but i didn't think they'd fit when i got home... thought i'd have to work for it for a few more weeks. they fit. they'll look better in a few weeks, but i could wear them out of the house right now. with no shame
• thus, i am technically 2 pant sizes smaller already. even though i'm 3 pounds up. go figure.
• i've not only been doing the shred. i've been doing 5 days a week on my couch to 5k training. i'm up to running 5 minutes at a time, a couple times in the workout. 
• my shins are hurting...  shin splints are not my friend. this is a result of poor shoes and over training.
• new shoes are in order. and laying off on the running for a week or so. 
• i can walk on the treadmill, but not run.
• aleve is my friend, now.
• so is ice. for 20 minutes, 3 times a day.
• i don't want to let a little pain get in my way. i'm loving the couch to 5k bit.
• i'm also, oddly enough for anyone who knows me, loving the shred.
• i've not missed a day yet of the shred. if i keep it up, i'm buying ripped in 30 days as a reward to myself.
• my original goal was not to miss more than 3 days. i'm still keeping to that goal - ripped will come because i don't think i'm going to miss even 1 day. 
• i say, "suck it, jillian!"
• i wish the pounds were coming off, but with the inches doing it, i'm staying strong.

operation: unfatty myself continued

i am starting the shred today. i'm totally inspired by mama laughlin's results. here's her post. btw-she's my new favorite blogger.

i took pictures and measurements this morning. if i have great success this month, i might even post the pictures. this mornings picture was fugly, believe that. so it'll have to be a great change to be willing to do it.

in addition to the shred, i've set a few other goals for this next month.  here goes:

• goal loss: 10 pounds and 10 inches all together. i lost a little over 10 pounds already since january, during fgi8. i was thrilled with this. i want to keep doing a lot of those same things.
• no more than 3 misses of the 31 day shred. 
• get through week 5 in my couch to 5k training. going beyond this won't be discouraged. 
• drink at least 64 ounces of water per day.
• eat at least 5 fruits and veggies a day.

i used an old food tracker that i had printed that had at least 31 boxes on it. its my new way of tracking. i'm marking the days i do the shred by what level i do. i'm marking the days i do the 5k training. i'm marking the water & food. journaling helps me a lot. and writing down my goals.

by the way: i'm wearing a size smaller jeans & already they're starting to be too big. i might be close to going down another size in jeans. this is so encouraging. 

do the shred with me! 

march the first

i turn 33 in two days. weird. garrett has a day of surprises planned for me. i'm oddly ok with knowing the surprise is out there & that i don't know what it is. i usually hate surprises. 

my ear hurts. badly. i've got a dr's appointment in about 1.5 hours. last week i was treated for bronchitis, but my ear hurts right now. like bad enough that i didn't sleep well last night. the pain spreads all across my face, too. if it isn't an ear infection, its gotta be a sinus infection.

this morning, mikey got a hold of a pen that wasn't capped. he drew on the door. i wasn't mad, it was my own fault for taking a little break and not paying attention. the cutest part about it was that i grabbed a wipe and tried to wipe it away. he sat there and washed and washed at it. then i got the magic eraser out & it was gone. no big deal. 

speaking of mikey - he's become quite the hitter. mostly hitting me, but sometimes hitting his dad and other things. we're trying to figure out the right way to handle it. mostly just calmly saying "no hitting!" and stopping giving him our attention. the frustrating thing is that we pay a lot of attention to him, so why is he doing it? but if we kind of do a little time out, he usually stops. i know it is normal & all, but last weekend i was really struggling with it. i felt very singled out. and sometimes he'd clock me so hard across the face, it hurt. one time, with one swipe, he cleared my sinuses & popped my ear. yeah, i put him down and walked away at that. sometimes, if he's mad and swinging, i'll hold his hands down and squeeze a little. mostly though, i've come to realize that the least amount of reaction and ignoring is a better response. i guess this kid has finally fallen off of his perfect pedestal. 

after a month of going to the chiropractor & getting some massages, i'm pretty much pain free. plus, i've been working out really well. i've been doing wii fit plus - yoga and strength training. i've been doing 30 - 60 minutes on the treadmill a day. and this week, i added in the shred. before this week, i was working out at least an hour and 15 minutes to an hour and 45 minutes a day. this week, i've been doing 2 hours per day. crazy. all in all, i've lost 12 pounds. i'm excited. i can see & feel a difference. i'm a little frustrated because i weighed myself this morning & i've gained a pound back. what the wha? after i stepped up the exercise? no thank you. but i'll survive. if nothing else, i've gotten ride of 98% of my back pain, so that's a success.

these pictures were taken sunday morning. what a handsome little stinker! 

things are changing around here...

so. we're in our 3rd week of our second round of feeling great in 8, this diet/health program that we're doing. the first time around, it didn't click for me, diet wise. i felt limited & hungry. i struggled. all in all, i lost 8 pounds - but i'm pretty sure that was more that i was exercising than eating all that great.

this time around, i'm easily getting in my fruits and veggies & i'm not resenting it at all. whole wheat - everything? not a problem. all in all - i'm motivated this time around. i have goals that i'm working towards, short term and longer term. i'm rocking this.

by the end of this week, i'll hopefully be up to 8 pounds. by week 2 - i'd lost 6.5 pounds. i'm enjoying the exercise. and i'm not craving too much junk. [though, honestly at bookclub last night, i wanted some of that apple pie being passed around & typically - i can give or take the pies. but i didn't cave.]

i found this lady's blog a few days ago. and i'm finding her totally inspirational. she started off my size-ish. she has made me think that maybe i can get down to where i was when i moved into my house 7 years ago. something i never thought i was going to get to. heck fire, i had told myself if i could just get down to the weight i was at when we got married, i'd be good. but now, i've set my goals even higher. or lower. you get it... being a size 6 again - not impossible for this girl.

i bought a couch to 5k app today. and i just did the first workout. it wasn't bad. which means if all goes right in 8 weeks, i could be able to run a 5k without stopping. i hope i make it. i'm going to try real hard to talk garrett into doing it with me. 

what am i doing right now? eating between 5-10 servings of fruits and veggies per day, drinking 64 ounces of water, eating whole wheat stuff - no white flours, not eating junk & fried foods - which is big for me, doing 45-60 minutes on the wii fit plus every day and walking for a half hour on the treadmill. the wii fit plus is not too hard on my back and i can feel the yoga is paying off with my back. and i'm watching shows on netflix while on the treadmill & loving that. 

p.s. on that blog - she took a picture every time she lost 10 pounds & it is amazing to me. you betta' believe that i'll be doing the same thing. i'm not sure if i'm brave enough to post those belly shots on here. maybe in the end when i have so much to be proud of. :)

tres cosas

[three things a la espanol]

1. i've been doing the shred this week, every morning. i know for lots of you out there, that's nothing. but for me, since i haven't really done any exercise since the beginning of november, this is big for me. i'm starting another round of "feeling great in 8" in 2 weeks. i wanted to give myself a headstart. not being totally strict about eating, but at least getting back into the routine of exercise. and surely being better about eating than i was during the holidays. well between tuesday and this morning [friday!!!] i gained 8 pounds. i spent a large part of the morning being really irritated. pissed, even. i may or may not have called myself jabba the hutt. but i've decided that isn't going to get me anywhere. i'll just keep doing it. eating better. exercising. all that bull. it'll start showing at some point, right? sometimes it is hard to stay motivated, which is so frustrating because on tuesday morning - i was so gung ho.
2. for christmas, mikey got this toy called the alphaberry. he loves it. i think it is so clever and cute, too. he sits and listens to music on it & pushes his letters. he also holds it up to his ear and pretends like it is his phone.  i got some pictures of him playing today. 
3. here's a little collage i made, in an effort to keep up with being better about taking pictures. on a real camera. cause while i might be jabba, i can at least be better about something that i want to do better at right now.  i just love his face. just don't mind that his face is dirty.

i wonder if my bath is going to be as fun as his was... probably not.

today was a hard day for mikey. he's got 7 teeth that look like they could break through any day.[3 on the bottom & 4 across the top!] he fought naps. he cried miserable, painful cries. he looked at both of us like, "why? why can't you fix this?" he wasn't awful all day. but his low moments were pretty pathetic. [for the record, now that my hormones are back under control, i was fine...] we snuggled a lot. i tried real hard to just do whatever he wanted.

when it was time for him to get his tubby and get ready for bed, we were prepared to rush through it. but then garrett called me in for me to see how much fun he was having. so i sent him out to finish his dinner [we were eating in shifts, in order to accommodate a needy boy] while i sat with him. next thing we knew, garrett was recording the splashing. i don't know if you can see how low the water is. but we start his tubby out practically full. 

here's a video of him playing in the tubby tonight. or as i like to think of it his happiest moments of the day: 

and right now, he is in there screaming. if i didn't know there wasn't, i would think someone was in there pinching him. that's how pathetic his cries are. another half hour of this & i might be in the closet in the fetal position, rocking and sucking my thumb. 

oh & in another totally unrelated matter.  2 workouts in one day. we did the jillian michaels 30 day shred dvd workout that i got last week from amazon for $7 this morning. i sweat like a banshee. then this afternoon, kimmy and i went for our walk. again, i sweat like a banshee. i'm kinda proud of myself. and garrett. [and kimmy.]

six ell-bees!

i lost 6 pounds on weight watchers last week. i  know it was the first week, but i don't care - i'm thrilled. already, i can feel my clothes fitting better. i exercised 4 times last week, too. the ipad is a beautiful thing - we're netflixing movies while we walk. garrett lost 9.7 pounds - also amazing. for weight watchers, last night we took more measurements of our bodies. we're both already losing inches. this is great. 

here's what i'm thinking about the whole weight loss/health situation:

• i refuse to diet for the rest of my life. i will do weight watchers for the next 3 months. i will see where my body is at the end of those 3 months and hopefully like where i am. during these 3 months, i'd like to form healthier eating habits. and stick to them.
• i will try to exercise about 5 times a week. currently my goal is to get in my workout in between mikey's  morning feedings. usually he'll go back to bed for a couple more hours... perfect time for me to exercise and shower.

i don't need to be a size 6 again. but i need to be healthier. i need to stop loathing what i see when i look in the mirror.  i need to be able to fit into the clothes that i own. most importantly:  i need to be an example to my son. i can't expect him to eat healthy and be active if i'm not. i really do look forward to when spring shows up and sticks around. i plan on many, many walks with my little man.

i'm treating the next 3 months as a way to get to where i should be. i'm not crash dieting, i'm not starving - hells bells, i'm a nursing mom. but i am eating better. less of some, more of others. i went to the grocery store this morning and bought so much produce. at one point, i looked in my shopping cart and smiled. i couldn't believe that i was willingly buying kale, broccoli, sweet potatoes, spinach, bananas, apples, pears, and much more. just for shits and giggles, i threw in some weight watchers ice cream - cause i know me. the cravings will hit at some point. maybe not today, but probably this week.

i can drop these 30 pounds, one green smoothie at a time. mile by mile. or as i like to think of it - movie by movie in the wee hours of the morning. also, i'm going to track my weight loss on the side of my blog. cause i like seeing progress.

more weekly meal plans

• monday - fend night (garrett will eat leftovers) because i've got bookclub. 
• tuesday - cayenne chicken with avocado salsa, salad.
• wednesday - black bean & couscous salad, roasted brussel sprouts.
• thursday - baked creamy chicken taquitos, salad
• friday - beef and bean chili (weight watchers recipe)
• saturday - cajun barbeque rub for pork tenderloin (ww, again)
• sunday - ward family night, so who knows.

have i mentioned that i use this meal planner/grocery shopping list? i'm pretty sure i got it from Liz.

last week a few items didn't get made, so they're making their appearances this week. 

this afternoon, i was talking to my friend kristin on gmail. she gave me some encouraging advice about exercising...  so now i've got a new goal: exercise every morning after mikey goes back to bed. then shower. so that when he wakes up again for real, for the day - i'm ready to go. cause mikey wakes up sometime between 5-7 and eats, but then always goes back to bed until between 8 - 9. so... i'm doing it. my goal is to get in 3 miles and then shower. no more jumping back into bed for me!

i want progress. i'm feeling motivated.

2011 health goals... invitation accepted

hey there folks - it is me checking in again. i'm still chubby. since mikey has been born, i've tracked food, although not as consistently as i'd like... when i was consistently tacking, i lost weight. when i didn't, i haven't. 

2010 started off for me very motivated. i wanted to get in shape but then was pregnant and quickly lost any desire to do anything but sleep and eat clemmies. so i took the year off. i allowed myself to be pregnant and indulge in whatever actually sounded good. and boy did some things sound good. well, this year is almost over, my baby is over 3 months old & i'm still struggling to squeeze into clothes. some days i don't even want to leave the house because both of my shirts that don't make me look ridiculous are dirty.

2011 is going to be different. i want to be more active. i want to eat better. i want to get back my body, to be able to wear some of the old things that i have stuffed in the back of my closet. [ok, maybe not on the shirts, but i've got jeans that i'm bound and determined to fit into again.] i want to be an example to my son. 

my sister shared a blog post tonight that inspired me. her theory is: move more, eat less. how simple is that? it doesn't mean we all have to go join a gym, it doesn't mean we have to go on some uber strict diet... this has kind of been brewing in my head. lots of little things are inspiring me lately. that post tonight especially got me all thinky. i had my ipod in hand [i was nursing and when don't i have my ipod in hand while nursing?] and quick jotted down a little list of goals for 2011. i reserve the right to add to the list, but i'm going to try really hard not to delete from the list!

• track food/food journal. be honest with myself & put it on paper. knowing myself, i'll be better about what i put into my body.
• no soda. this will be a challange. i've given up dr pepper & it hasn't even really been hard. i'll allow myself lemonade as a treat. but mostly i want to stick to water. and milk. [i should tell you a funny story about how we have 4 gallons in our fridge right now. kinda like when garrett made sure we had 3 huge blocks of cheese... yes, i'm laughing to myself right now. outloud. yes, i'm a huge dork.]
• move 3 miles everyday. at least. i might get a pedometer again. or i might just make sure that i go for a walk or get on the treadmill everyday. we'll see.
• less eating out. i'm embarrassed to admit how often i don't feel like cooking and even though my husband is more than willing to do the cooking, i can talk him into going somewhere for a meal. i'm going to try and limit myself to one meal a week out and about. unless special circumstances arise. but i'm going to try not to push that. think of all of the money we'll save, too.
• make at least 1 weight watcher meal per week. i've got a cookbook, i need to put it to use.
• daily stretching. this will help my body and make me ache less. 
• a weekly weigh in. to keep on track, to be aware, to motivate... whatever. just do it. 

if you see me being a slacker, drinking soda, or sitting on my couch too much - please call me on it. i'm quick to motivate, but also quick to shut down. i'm going to need support. i might need a gentle reminder of "hey, hayley - that doesn't help the double chin!" or the flabby arms. or the hugely round belly. or the thighs that rub. or the sausage fingers. or the love handles that makes a crater on your back.  anyone of those things.

so the bottom line is, thanks holly - for sharing that link. and garrett - for our son, for our own health, i'm going to try to lead us both in a healthier direction this year. cause i want to spend the next 50 years laughing til i pee my pants with you.

our first weigh in report:

as a couple, we're down 13.6 pounds. in one week. that's pretty amazing. we're both thrilled!

garrett is down: 9.4 pounds

hayley is down: 4.2 pounds

weight watchers & tready time rocks!!!

[yes we're aware that the first week is always the best, but i don't care - i'll take it!]