things are a changing...

so for years i have talked about losing weight. i've even tried for a few days at a time. and slowly, i've gained more and more weight. sure, i had two kids, but i also ate more and more. it wasn't pretty for me. i started really not liking what i was seeing. i never have been a big "check myself out in front of the mirror multiple times a day" kinda girl, but for a long time, i have downright avoided mirrors. it was embarrassing. i didn't think nice things about myself. i've probably always been way too hard on myself, but the mental abuse i put myself through for the last few years was not good. and it didn't help. 

i didn't know what to do. i could join a gym or weight watchers, but that's expensive. and i don't have money to just waste if i wasn't truly committed. about a month ago, i decided things needed to change. i really wanted to do something. 2014 was going to be my year and it was half over. sure, i've had two kidney stone surgeries this year, along with a few other excuses i could come up with... but really when i thought about it, the kidney stone issue was even more reason that i needed to do something. i do not want that problem back. and it very well could happen. i could be prone to them, regardless of my diet. but... if diet has anything to do with it, deep down i knew i owed it to myself to avoid it. my sister had told me about the bikini body mommy and i had even done a few of her workouts for a few days. i think i even did her first challenge for about 5 days straight earlier in the year. and like always, i tanked. something happened and i gave up. and comforted myself with a burger and fries. 

here's what is hard about having natural skinniness on your side until your mid to late 20's... you never learn to monitor yourself. you're used to being able to eat as many oreos as you want in one sitting. and chocolate shakes? well they belong with a burger and fries, doi. anyway, in my early years, i was a picky eater - but as an adult, i discovered things like sour cream and deviled eggs and heaven only knows i washed it all down with a dr pepper. i have never been "athletic," didn't play sports in high school, and have never enjoyed working out. i'm a reader, i like to listen to music, to watch movies, to make people laugh. breaking a sweat, not my thing.

but being ashamed when you look at yourself in a mirror is brutal. i know i am a good person. deep down, i like me. but i hated the way i look. and i knew my health was suffering. so, i finally got moving. got my ass off the couch, if you will. 

so, i spent a few days thinking and really stewing about what i was going to do. i talked a little about it with my husband, but in my mind i was really plotting. i thought i was going to join weight watchers... that is even what we talked about doing. then on a monday morning (july 21st to be exact) i was on bikini body mommy's website and i bought her success journal ($15). as soon as garrett was off the phone, i poked my head in there and told him what i did. and i said i was going to get the book printed that very day and i was going to start her workouts. 

i got the book printed (>$25) that day. and i did the workout. and i took my measurements and pictures. and i hated those numbers and the picture. but i told myself this was going to be the end of it. and the next day i did it again. and again and again. 

today is day 26. monday we do our day 30 pictures and measurements again. i'm not skinny or even fit yet, but i can tell a difference. i've lost about 14 pounds. i've lost a lot of inches, especially in certain places like my belly. my face isn't as fat. i wore a pair of pants this week that fit comfortably. before this all started, i couldn't wear them, they were obscenely tight and i couldn't even button them. 

garrett is doing this with me, in fact most days we do the workouts together on his lunch break. when i told him i was going to print the success journal, he told me to print him one, too. he's doing great, too. it is good for both of us. i'm proud of him but i'm not telling his story. i'm glad we're doing this together, mostly because of the eating. i'm eating a lot healthier and it wouldn't work if one of us was eating ice cream every night. that person might not survive the night, ha. 

we're using our fitbits that we got earlier this year. we're logging our food on our fitbit. we log our activities, too. i'm loving my success journal. it really helps for me to have a place to write down thoughts, feelings, and what i'm doing. 

most days i go for a walk in the morning - about 2-3 miles. i don't count that as my exercise because it just helps me get to 10,000 steps. that is a daily goal, to just be moving more. the bikini body mommy workouts are my workout. and they are tough. but i  can do them. for free. at home. with my kids underfoot. 

so i'm 26 days in. i have not skipped a day yet. sure, there have been days where i've gone over my desired calorie deficit. but not grossly. there have been days where i've had treats. but i've kept track. and those days are happening less and less because i'm figuring things out and it isn't as hard, mentally any more. physically it is still kicking my butt. i sweat like crazy now. but i like it. i never thought i would. there has not been a day where i've missed my exercise, except sundays. sundays are the rest day and i have taken advantage of them. mommy likey sundays. 

today was probably the first time i even thought about skipping a workout. i had a huge costco trip to make this morning. so my morning routine was off. and then we went to my mom and dad's for dinner. but at 8:30 when the kids were finally in bed, i knew i had some calories to make up for. normally my work out is over early in the day, and i'm not eating calories that i haven't earned yet. but tonight, i was a few hundred calories over. so we did our bikini body mommy workout. and then i jumped on the treadmill until i got to 10,000 steps. i didn't even really want to skip, it just could've happened pretty easily. but we're doing this together and so instead of plopping on the couch watching shark week, we got our move on. 

i'm excited. its a 90 day challenge, which goes until mid october. i'm excited to see where i am at the end of this challenge. i have a goal to lose at least 20 more pounds. i know i can do it. the craziest thing to me is most of the time i don't even want the junk. i can see how my body is using food for energy and strength. i feel better when i eat healthier. and the few times i've had the junk, i didn't feel as good. i don't even want dr pepper anymore, which is pretty much a miracle. 

i feel stronger. i push myself everyday to do better than i did on the last workout. i am amazed at what i am doing. and i am feeling better and better about myself. the less negative self-talk, the better, right? 

nothing much to say but i wanted a change

i've gotten my butt in gear. i'm exercising daily. i'm eating better. it feels good. i am even losing weight. we got fitbit flexes & i move more and more.

my kids are getting big. mikey has whiney times, but for the most part i thoroughly enjoy him. well rested & that kid is an absolute champ. he is funny, intelligent, and a sweetheart. henry is busy. he always has something in his mouth - a car, a binky that he chews on, a block... doesn't matter, he's just always sticking something in there. he is fun to play with. he cracks up and his laugh will melt anyone's heart. his top teeth are growing in at a weird pace & his smile is funny looking. i wouldn't change it for anything. his chubby cheeks get kissed often.

i've been reading good books lately. i love being in a good reading phase. it does my heart good.

life is good and i am happy. i like being happy. last year wasn't always a happy year for me. it is such a relief to be back in a better spot. i am so thankful for my little family.

so sick of being sick

less than a week before christmas, mikey got sick. it was worse than just a cold, so we took him in and low and behold - he had strep. at that time, henry was a little wheezy from a cold and was put on his nebulizer for a week for breathing treatments. by christmas eve morning, my throat hurt so bad i wanted to die. i had strep too. my family told me i'd be feeling better by christmas morning, but they were wrong. very wrong. it took 4 days ON ANTIBIOTICS to get feeling better. not great, just better. the day after christmas garrett was diagnosed with strep. right around the time my antibiotics were over for strep, i started feeling weird. a weird stomach ache/cramps that i didn't know what to do about. i didn't say much about it at first. i just had weird pains... looking back now if i ever get those pains again, i'll go straight to the urologist. around the time i had the weird pains start, one night i felt like i had to pee constantly. the next morning i went to the doc and said, "i have a bladder infection." there was blood in my urine but i wasn't showing lots of symptoms for bladder infections, but they treated me for one because of the blood and the frequency of going. by the time that was over with, i swear i felt like i was best friends with my doctor. we had scheduled a physical in order to get a biometric screening done for a huge discount for our medical insurance. i finished my last antibiotic for the bladder infection on friday afternoon. saturday morning was the physical. we talked about the weird pain i was having - she thought it might be an ovarian cyst - not much you can do for those, but suffer the pain unless they are really big and then they do a surgery. i was also diagnosed with round two of strep. and she warned me that if i have strep again right away, i'd need to see an ENT. [ear, nose, and throat specialist]

early monday morning, i woke up with the pain amped up about 100 times and then the vomiting started. i was beside myself. i seriously thought i was dying. i called my parents and asked them to come help me. by the time they got here, it was pretty much decided that i couldn't wait for the doctor's office to open, i needed to go to the ER. off we went. i couldn't even sit down - that pain is like nothing i've ever felt. and i couldn't stop barfing. we went to the ER and after a few hours they figured out that it was kidney stones. boy, pain killers can sure be a life saver. i vaguely remember the morphine getting into my veins the first time and being able to just relax a little. it didn't take the pain away, i just could stop. stop panicking, stop vomiting, stop so miserable. i think i even calmed down enough to fall asleep for a few minutes. they sent me home monday afternoon with instructions to get to the urologist tomorrow. i did. we found out that day that the hospital wasn't in network with our insurance [whoops, that was a mistake, we thought it was] and we needed to go to a different hospital [better in our opinion, but further away...] and that surgery would be necessary within a few days. my kidney stoneS were large. on the right side, both were bigger than what can be passed. [found out a few days later that i also have kidney stones on the left kidney, but they won't do both kidneys at once - risk of renal failure, so they wait a month.]

did i mention that while throwing up on monday morning i ruptured my eardrum? it was slightly infected, along with the strep. i've never ruptured an ear drum before - it hurts terribly. sharp pain in the ear and loss of hearing. takes about 4 - 6 weeks to recover. not much you can do there for it. super awesome. 

they called me wednesday early afternoon to tell me that surgery was going to be friday, and that i needed to stop taking ibuprofen. i could continue my narcotic, but i needed both narcotic and ibuprofen to manage the pain. wednesday was also henry's 1st birthday. we had invited our whole family on both sides over for dinner. i had downgraded the party to just cake on tuesday, as i was not feeling well. the pain meds were working, but no one should throw a birthday party on pain killers. ha. before the party started that evening, i knew i was doomed. i vomited once, but felt better after. my pain was increasing as the minutes ticked on. my parents and garrett did EVERYTHING for that party. my mom decorated the cakes. she helped garrett with decorations. my dad cleaned and helped with the kids. i layed on the couch barking orders and feeling like crap. i knew i was going to need to go back to the hospital, i just didn't know when. i knew i wasn't going to make it til friday.  the party happened. i was there physically at least, probably not really mentally though. everyone left pretty early and i was in bed by 8 pm. 

2 am thursday morning came around and i was awake. the pain was becoming intolerable again. i felt nauseated. [you can really tell a difference without the ibuprofen!]  i tossed and turned for a while until i finally woke up garrett and said, "i think i'm going to need to go back to the hospital this morning. i can't take it." he wondered why we should wait. i didn't even hesitate, and said, "you're right. i'll call my parents." my dad answered at 2:36 and they were here by 3. by the time they pulled up, i was such a wreck that i was waiting outside for them. we jumped in the car, they took over the boys for the next 36+ hours. my parents are saints. they are life savers. there is no one out there that i would've felt comfortable leaving my babies with like that. they know the kids, they know their drill, i knew they would all be fine. 

i spent a few hours in the ER and then by late morning they admitted me to the hospital until after the surgery the following day. i was in the hospital until after the surgery friday afternoon. late afternoon. as in no food or drink all day. its a good thing i've got a little meat on my bones - i survived. 

the surgery wasn't bad. i was out for it. ha. [the anesthesiologist was a little bit rude to me, basically treated me like a crack whore. but that's another store for another time] the recovery hasn't been fun. its been 10 days now & i still don't feel great. i'm not terrible anymore, but there has been pain. bad enough that i've contemplated the ER again, had i not been warned that it could get bad... the stent hurt and was very uncomfortable. the removal was a little scary but the 4 -5 days after that were worse. talk about over active bladder and cramping again! pain killers are a good thing, let me tell you. 

the good news is i am a ticking time bomb until the end of february - when my next surgery is. hopefully then i won't need the stent after. i shouldn't, based on my knowledge of why i got the first one and what the situation on lefty is. 

since january 1 - i have lost 10 pounds. mostly from not eating and being sick. when i have eaten, i've tried to eat better. i was planning on doing a 30 day smoothie challenge. it hasn't happened. i've made more smoothies this month than i had for months, but it surely isn't enough. i have indulged in some comfort eating, but you know what? i've been miserable. i could've done better, but i sure as hell could've done a lot worse! i haven't felt good enough to exercise yet... that is a february goal now. i am proud of myself because i have lost weight, despite all of this crap. i easily could've clogged more arteries and comforted myself more. i'm not beating myself up for what hasn't happened, i'm just continuing to try to do better and acknowledge what i have done. and i'm going to pray everyday that i never get kidney stones again. they're the worse. 

i've got 2 or so more days of antibiotics that they sent me home from the hospital with. for the strep and post surgery. yesterday i woke up with a cold coming on, which is super fun when you already have a clogged ear and pain there.  my throat doesn't hurt yet, but the second time i had strep i didn't even have a sore throat. just swollen glands. you could see the strep in the back of my throat. i'm too scared to even look at my throat now. i'm really hoping that i don't have strep again, cause we've blown through our flex spending money and i don't like our co-pay for specialists. 

oh and - henry is back on nebulizer treatments.

my advice: do not get kidney stones. 

sometimes i'm a fun mom...

 i melted chocolate chips while mikey had the time of his life beating graham crackers. 

 i love his smile. he looks so big to me sometimes. 

 mikey helped roll the marshmallows in the chocolate and graham cracker crumbs. also, i love henry's photobomb in this picture. 

 sometimes he just had to take a bite out of the 'smellows [as he calls them]

 and then, in the end - he didn't even like them. he kept asking for plain 'smellows. crazy kid. they're delicious treats!

i have never gotten a bad idea from pinterest!

may was a giant failure

i logged 2 workouts in may. and they were pathetic. i've gained weight back. i'm really ticked at myself.

life is hard right now and i've spent way too much time this last month indulging myself with comfort food. i wish i had the energy to fight life's difficulties with being super strong, but i think i'm suffering from a little situational depression. and we all know that depression doesn't encourage productivity.

i'm going to try to rededicate myself though. calorie counting starts today. more veggies, less donuts. more movement, more green smoothies, less eating my misery away.

april exercise overview & may goals

at the beginning of april, i wrote about my goals. i did ok. some weeks were great. some weren't. it is ok. life is tough right now, and quite frankly - i'm just proud of myself for not dipping my sorrows in double stufs everynight. i'm down inches and pounds [over 10!]. and there is always may.

i kept an exercise journal. indulge me while i share what/how i did:
4.1 - ML arms with 5 pound weights [until later when i specify that i changed to heavier weights], 30DSlevel2
4.2 - ML arms, 30DS level 2, 50 squats, 15 situps
4.3 - ML arms, 55 squats
4.4 - ML arms, 60 squats, 30DSlevel2
4.5 - ML arms, 70 squats, 30DSlevel2
4.6 - ML arms, 75 squats, c25kw1d1
4.7 - ML arms, 80 squats, 30DSlevel2
4.10 - ML arms, 105 squats, c25kw1d2,
4.11 - ML arms, 110 squats
4.12 - ML arms
4.13 - ML arms, 130 squats, c25kw1d3
4.14 - ML arms, 135 squats
4.15 - 140 squats, c25kw2d1
4.16 - ML arms  with 10 pound weights [from here on out!] 30DSlevel2
4.17 - ML arms, 150 squats, 30DSlevel3, c25kw2d2
4.19 - c25kw2d3
4.20 - ML arms, 160 squats
4.21 - ML arms, 165 squats, c25kw3d1
4.24 - 30DSlevel3, c25kw3d2
4.29 - c25kw3d3

as you can see, i tuckered out as the month went on.  i stopped doing arms and squats super regularly. that wasn't good. like i said though, i did better than i have in the past, and also - i could've done a lot worse.

as for eating and diet - the first two weeks, i did really good with my calorie counting... then i kind of just stopped, but maintained smaller portion control, less snacks/treats and cooking healthier.  i'm going to try to start the calorie counting again. i find it very useful. planning out meals and cooking better really helps too. basically - writing down everything i eat is beneficial just for the purpose of being aware.

here are my may goals:

• food & exercise journaling again.
• Ripped in 30 Days by Jillian Michaels - all 4 weeks, at least 3 days per level. i'd like to get 5 in, but if it only happens 3 times, i'll be satisfied.
• continue with my couch to 5k training. i'm a little behind this week, but i can get caught up.
• Mama Laughlin's arms. I really like this arm workout. every day. 
  
• these two challenges: 
  
  
  
  
  this way i'm still doing squats. and i like the plank part & push ups. [i do girlies] and my abs are so weak, after having 2 babies fairly close together c-section style. and the part about chuck. it'll help for sure.
  
  
  JOIN ME????!
  
  
  i plan on sharing at the end of may my success, too., 

small successes

in just over a week, i am officially down over 10 pounds. this is very encouraging to me. and i need it right now.

today i need to do 135 squats. its a lot, but i will do it.

i can see a small difference in my arms. really need to get heavier weights.

i'm also really enjoying the couch to 5k training.

calorie counting is working. some days i eat super healthy. some days, like yesterday i ended up eating wendy's for lunch. and not salad wendy's. a jr. bacon cheeseburger kind of wendy's. but for the rest of the day, i made up for it and kept my calories in line. this is doable. sure, yesterday i could've made healthier choices at wendy's - but i still managed to keep in line.

i can feel a difference in my clothes. i can even see a small difference on my body & in my face. yay!

eating and workout rundown

so i know at the beginning of the year, i posted about wanting to lose weight. i've been trying. i've been eating healthier and exercising. i still have had the treats though. so i'm learning that no matter how many green smoothies i eat, no matter if i eat all of my fruits and veggies in a day, no matter if i'm sweating my butt off from some workout, if i'm still snacking on candy and chocolate - i'm not going to lose weight. its a bitter pill to swallow, but i want to stop being fat. i want to not have a fat face. i want to get into single digit pants again. i want my arms to not be the size of proper thighs.

i am starting a weight loss competition today. first prize will win over $800. that's motivating. think of what i could do with that much money. the competition is based on percentage lost, not pounds. i want to do it. i want to win. not just for the money, but i want to feel better about myself.  i want inches off. big time.

i'll be eating healthier. with the no treats part. well, i'm sure there will be an occasional treat. i'm still human. but i'm counting calories and will count those when i do have them.

i'll be continuing my exercising, which is more than i've done in a really long time.

here are some of my goals:

• couch to 5k training. this means getting on the treadmill 3 times a week and training. i loved it when i did it last year. i am certain that i can do it again. i'll be doing this in the evenings, after the kids are in bed. i think. maybe during nap time. but i've made up my mind that it'll probably be at night.
• walks as often as possible with the kids. on good weather days. in my new double jogger stroller that my incredibly generous sister gave us. 
• this arm routine. only i do 8 girlie pushups instead of walking ones. i'm not flexible enough and it hurts my back. so there. and i don't have all of those weights, so i'm using what i've got for now. we might look into getting heavier weights. everyday. 
  
• this squat challange for april: i'll do some other challange [maybe pushups or sit ups] in may. don't mind the crazy body builder girl in the middle. that's not me. obviously. i did 70 today. holy cow. i can't say i'm looking forward to the end of this month!
  
• some sort of workout dvd. 30 day shred, ripped, cardio max. i did the tracy anderson one - it gave me a tweaked neck. so i'm not doing that one for now. i think my abs aren't strong enough to do all of the crunches, etc. and i was pulling too much on my neck. whatever.  eventually i'd like to do it, because i know that's what i need the most help with. a workout video 5 times a week. 

any other suggestions? 

the 28 day shred

my back went out last thursday. it happened during the shred. i didn't give up on my workouts, i was bound and determined to not quit over it. i couldn't let the back injury win. last night at my chiropractor appointment, he advised me strongly to back off on the intense workouts - the shred. i decided that 28 days is good enough. i'm going to give myself a week to heal now. then on to ripped... i hope.

here are my stats:

1. weight gain: 3 pounds! frustrating.  i wanted to lose 10. didn't happen. if i'm honest with myself, i know it was the eating. i didn't do my best and i will next time around. 
2. inches lost: 4.5 - i lost 2 inches on my hips. and 1.5 on my chest. i'm pretty happy with that. i haven't taken pictures yet to compare to - maybe tonight. pretty sure i won't be sharing them. but maybe next time around. didn't make my goal of 10 inches, either. but at least i was almost halfway. i'm happy here.
3. i did level 1: 11 times, level 2: 10 times, level 3: 6 times...  i had never done level 3 before & it was hard, but i really liked it. if i wouldn't have hurt my back, i would've done level 1 four times less and level 3 four times more. 
4. my eating goals were pretty good. could've done better, could've done worse. next time around, that's going to be my biggest focus. this time around, the working out was the easiest part for me. which is weird, but it felt good and i really got into it. i did pretty good with not eating after 8 pm, i usually got all of my fruits and veggies in. next time: i'm going to set a goal to have a smoothie everyday. that really helps with getting in the fruits and veggies. 
5. i bought ripped. it came today from amazon. next week...  if my back can handle it.
6. i did get through my couch to 5k goal - i wanted to get through week 5. i did. and that's with taking a week off when i got shin splints. i'm running for at least 8 minutes straight right now. which isn't really running - its jogging. and 8 minutes is probably nothing to most people, but it is a huge accomplishment for this chubber. 
7. i loved doing the shred. it was the first time ever that i committed to an exercise goal and followed through. i've also loved doing the couch to 5k bit. i'm running a 5k on may 5th. never thought that would happen. 

i will do something again, soon. maybe a combo of running and the shred and ripped - i don't know. i'll figure out what it is & go from there. hopefully my back can cooperate. i've got pounds to lose and motivation for it right now! you would not believe how many times i've cried about this back outtage this time around. i'm trying so hard not let it win!

operation: unfatty myself continued

i am starting the shred today. i'm totally inspired by mama laughlin's results. here's her post. btw-she's my new favorite blogger.

i took pictures and measurements this morning. if i have great success this month, i might even post the pictures. this mornings picture was fugly, believe that. so it'll have to be a great change to be willing to do it.

in addition to the shred, i've set a few other goals for this next month.  here goes:

• goal loss: 10 pounds and 10 inches all together. i lost a little over 10 pounds already since january, during fgi8. i was thrilled with this. i want to keep doing a lot of those same things.
• no more than 3 misses of the 31 day shred. 
• get through week 5 in my couch to 5k training. going beyond this won't be discouraged. 
• drink at least 64 ounces of water per day.
• eat at least 5 fruits and veggies a day.

i used an old food tracker that i had printed that had at least 31 boxes on it. its my new way of tracking. i'm marking the days i do the shred by what level i do. i'm marking the days i do the 5k training. i'm marking the water & food. journaling helps me a lot. and writing down my goals.

by the way: i'm wearing a size smaller jeans & already they're starting to be too big. i might be close to going down another size in jeans. this is so encouraging. 

do the shred with me! 

things are changing around here...

so. we're in our 3rd week of our second round of feeling great in 8, this diet/health program that we're doing. the first time around, it didn't click for me, diet wise. i felt limited & hungry. i struggled. all in all, i lost 8 pounds - but i'm pretty sure that was more that i was exercising than eating all that great.

this time around, i'm easily getting in my fruits and veggies & i'm not resenting it at all. whole wheat - everything? not a problem. all in all - i'm motivated this time around. i have goals that i'm working towards, short term and longer term. i'm rocking this.

by the end of this week, i'll hopefully be up to 8 pounds. by week 2 - i'd lost 6.5 pounds. i'm enjoying the exercise. and i'm not craving too much junk. [though, honestly at bookclub last night, i wanted some of that apple pie being passed around & typically - i can give or take the pies. but i didn't cave.]

i found this lady's blog a few days ago. and i'm finding her totally inspirational. she started off my size-ish. she has made me think that maybe i can get down to where i was when i moved into my house 7 years ago. something i never thought i was going to get to. heck fire, i had told myself if i could just get down to the weight i was at when we got married, i'd be good. but now, i've set my goals even higher. or lower. you get it... being a size 6 again - not impossible for this girl.

i bought a couch to 5k app today. and i just did the first workout. it wasn't bad. which means if all goes right in 8 weeks, i could be able to run a 5k without stopping. i hope i make it. i'm going to try real hard to talk garrett into doing it with me. 

what am i doing right now? eating between 5-10 servings of fruits and veggies per day, drinking 64 ounces of water, eating whole wheat stuff - no white flours, not eating junk & fried foods - which is big for me, doing 45-60 minutes on the wii fit plus every day and walking for a half hour on the treadmill. the wii fit plus is not too hard on my back and i can feel the yoga is paying off with my back. and i'm watching shows on netflix while on the treadmill & loving that. 

p.s. on that blog - she took a picture every time she lost 10 pounds & it is amazing to me. you betta' believe that i'll be doing the same thing. i'm not sure if i'm brave enough to post those belly shots on here. maybe in the end when i have so much to be proud of. :)

the real december calendar

a few months ago, garrett and i started using google calendar to keep ourselves up to date. we have a lovely calendar hanging on the wall & i still refer to that often - but it doesn't have the daily items on it. i have loved having emails in the morning waiting for me to remind me of an event for the day. i have also loved the "reminders" feature that will send me another little pop up window on my computer and phone as the event comes closer, should i set that up. 

but the real calendar i'm talking about right now is the menu planner december calendar i printed. [found here...] on it, i included a lot of the evening activities for the month, so that i could keep it in mind when plotting treats.

i had been thinking about doing it this way in an effort to not have too much crap to do on christmas eve and day, over filling the fridge and then letting a bunch of food go to waste. i want my gluttony to be better spread out. and don't worry, we'll have lots to enjoy on christmas, but i won't feel the pressure to cram it all in.

not everything is a batch of cookies, in fact - i'm only making one batch per week. lots of the treats are our favorites that we've enjoyed making over the few years of our marriage. some are newbies that i want to try. many are appetizers. [we are suckers for appetizers at our house.] some desserts. some drinks. some breakfast items. [garrett has 2 weeks off this month. i can't wait. i know of a little boy who, while he can't anticipate it, will be in HOGS HEAVEN!] some treat days overlap with something i need to take - like the treat i make for bookclub will also serve as the day's treat...  i'll make enough so that garrett gets to enjoy plenty, have no fear. 

it is a good thing that my back is finally feeling better. because i will need to be doing my exercises everyday to keep from gaining too much weight.

bring on december, i can't wait!!!

i'm getting ready for the holidays

• we're trying to decide where to put the christmas tree this year. obviously, "mikey's toy corner" isn't an option anymore. he'd knock that thing down every single day [probably all day long] i think over behind the kitchen table where we can use the cage to keep him from getting at it all day long.
• trying to decide where to put it is making me really want to put it up right now. but i will wait. til next friday.
• i'm starting to be really excited about holiday treats. pinterest has really been naughty for me as a place to collect food ideas. once thanksgiving is here, i will be making lots of treats. some new experiments. lots of old favorites and goodies.
• buckeyes. cheeseballs. diarrhea dip. oh my. monkey bread. cheesecake. caramel popcorn. oh my. 
• i had the idea of starting december 1st making a calendar and plotting to make a treat or something festive every day. that way i'm not overwhelmed the week of christmas. i'm not just making dessert treats, either. i'm talking about favorite soups, delicious breakfasts [that are basically treats in disguise] and other appetizers that i just don't seem to make any other time of year. ham wrapped asparagus spears. a crapload of deviled eggs. this is sort of like our very own advent calendar. i can't wait
• today we're going to make a list of all of the things that we want to make. it is a whole family affair.
• i've been reading a lot of good books lately & i can't wait to just wrap up [not by the fireplace cause we don't have one. sad face.] with some hot chocolate and read by the light of the christmas tree. 
• garrett has 2 weeks off at christmas. we're going to have some movie marathons & great family together time.  mikey will be in heaven having his daddy around all day long for so long. he's even got snow pants now - i can't wait to see how he loves sledding or playing in the snow.
• i'm craving some puzzles.
• i'm not trying to rush november away. there's still so much to do. i'm just really enjoying the planning part as of right now. the calendar is quickly filling up and i like that. i love the busy time of year. its a productive time of year for me - i swear, i'm messed up, but when i'm busier i'm much more productive.
• i've had some really good ideas for gifts for some people. and then others i'm completely blank. i don't like that.
• christmas cards are brewing in my head, too. this is such an exciting time of year.
• with all of my food plotting - i'm realizing more and more that i'm going to have to make sure and keep my exercising a high priority or else i'll gain back these 8 pounds that i've lost recently. oh boy.

monday morning babbles

• mikey crawled over to the little bookshelf/entry table that we have at the top of the stairs today and pulled out the scrapbook that shawnie made for us for our wedding - a guest sign in book.
• hunter and hannah signed every single page.
• connor's name is spelled wrong. which made me do the wicked laugh cause holly's had problems with people spelling his name wrong. whoever helped him clearly hadn't been briefed.
• lots of people spelled my name wrong. awesome. sadly, i don't care as much as i probably should - that is because people have been spelling my name wrong since FOREVER.
• i loved looking back at those [skinnier] pictures of myself and remembering that while heavier than i would've liked to have been, i didn't have that fat of a face and that for my current goals, i don't have to lose that much weight to lose some of the fat face that i loathe right now.
• i also loved looking back at the messages people wrote.
•  since getting a new dishwasher, i have somehow been inspired to stay on top of the dishes, the kitchen, even enjoyed cooking just a little bit more. it is amazing to me that a dishwasher that i feel loads just a little bit more is prompting me to keep a cleaner kitchen.
• this weekend, garrett installed child safety hooks on the cabinets. i hate them, but i feel that they are necessary to keep mikey out of trouble. what cracks me up is that everytime garrett and i open a lower cabinet now, we both scowl. i wonder how long it'll take us to start remembering that they're there.
• mikey's all of a sudden really enjoying being rocked for a few minutes before sleep. interesting how such a little change can make such a big difference. 
• he also hasn't figured out that if he gets himself sitting up or standing up in bed, he could get himself back down. but his cries turn to screams and then we can just go in there and lay him back down and he's fine. crazy kid. 
• i got a haircut a few weeks ago and the girl thinned it out for me - i still can't get over how skinny my ponytail is and how much i love a good haircut.
• 7 teeth. that is his total right now. i love brushing them. 
• dry skin is ugly.
• i went to the grocery store this morning with super crusty yoga pants on. and no makeup. and crazy bed head. and of course saw someone from the ward. 
• i just made a batch of cafe rio [really, chuy's] dressing and am now salivating in the sink as i load the dishwasher. i can't wait for a big plate of salad at lunch. green leaf lettuce, parmesan cheese, hard boiled egg, and sunflower seeds...  and lots of dressing.
• i went through and re-organized my boards and pins on pinterest & i'm finding that i like the site a whole lot more. seriously, whoever came up with that idea is a genius! it really makes me want to move into a bigger house... our house now is more about functionality than good decorating. i might actually look like i have some taste if i got into a house with a little more space someday. all thanks to pinterest. 
• time to go shower. miguelito is sleeping. this is precious time, people. precious.

wilbur's revenge

yesterday we went to famous daves with garrett's parents and brother for lunch. which is fun in and of itself. but the reason why i'm posting about it is because mikey got some super hot spicy wing sauce and lived to tell. but he can't talk yet, so i'm telling. it all started when garrett ordered the absolute hottest wings they have to offer. they were called "wilbur's revenge" and had 6 hot peppers next to them. for scale, their buffalo wings only had 2 peppers. and the buffalo wings had kick to them, they surely weren't mild.

now, let me tell you that i've never seen garrett get stumped with hotness in food. you should sample his "mild' hot salsa that he makes. it burns. i can't handle the hot stuff. and i like spicy too. momma likey buffalo wings.

when his wings came, garrett started sweating. they were hot. he ate 3 total before he couldn't take it anymore. he put one on my plate so that i could see how how they were. i got some sauce on my finger and tasted it and said, "get that off my plate, i'm not eating it!" it made my eyes water. so he did. i wiped up my plate with my napkin. but i didn't get it all gone because i also had mikey grabbing at my silverware constantly & i was slightly distracted with that. 

well, i had been sharing my pineapple with mikey. the pineapple was right next to the spot that garrett put his wing nugget o' fiery hell. i cut him off a little piece and gave it to him, forgetting that my plate had wilbur's revenge still on it.

the next thing i know, mikey's face is bright red, his eyes are watering & his mouth is puckered as he kinda looks around the table whining a little bit. he didn't cry. he's a tough kid. i gave him a few ice cubes to chew on and made a mental note in my own little "DCFS tales" journal that i've always threatened holly with. i felt awful.

pizza-lovin-fly

 last night i made homemade pizza from scratch. turned out pretty tasty.

 the love of my life.

this baby is pretty fly for a white guy.

six ell-bees!

i lost 6 pounds on weight watchers last week. i  know it was the first week, but i don't care - i'm thrilled. already, i can feel my clothes fitting better. i exercised 4 times last week, too. the ipad is a beautiful thing - we're netflixing movies while we walk. garrett lost 9.7 pounds - also amazing. for weight watchers, last night we took more measurements of our bodies. we're both already losing inches. this is great. 

here's what i'm thinking about the whole weight loss/health situation:

• i refuse to diet for the rest of my life. i will do weight watchers for the next 3 months. i will see where my body is at the end of those 3 months and hopefully like where i am. during these 3 months, i'd like to form healthier eating habits. and stick to them.
• i will try to exercise about 5 times a week. currently my goal is to get in my workout in between mikey's  morning feedings. usually he'll go back to bed for a couple more hours... perfect time for me to exercise and shower.

i don't need to be a size 6 again. but i need to be healthier. i need to stop loathing what i see when i look in the mirror.  i need to be able to fit into the clothes that i own. most importantly:  i need to be an example to my son. i can't expect him to eat healthy and be active if i'm not. i really do look forward to when spring shows up and sticks around. i plan on many, many walks with my little man.

i'm treating the next 3 months as a way to get to where i should be. i'm not crash dieting, i'm not starving - hells bells, i'm a nursing mom. but i am eating better. less of some, more of others. i went to the grocery store this morning and bought so much produce. at one point, i looked in my shopping cart and smiled. i couldn't believe that i was willingly buying kale, broccoli, sweet potatoes, spinach, bananas, apples, pears, and much more. just for shits and giggles, i threw in some weight watchers ice cream - cause i know me. the cravings will hit at some point. maybe not today, but probably this week.

i can drop these 30 pounds, one green smoothie at a time. mile by mile. or as i like to think of it - movie by movie in the wee hours of the morning. also, i'm going to track my weight loss on the side of my blog. cause i like seeing progress.

more weekly meal plans

• monday - fend night (garrett will eat leftovers) because i've got bookclub. 
• tuesday - cayenne chicken with avocado salsa, salad.
• wednesday - black bean & couscous salad, roasted brussel sprouts.
• thursday - baked creamy chicken taquitos, salad
• friday - beef and bean chili (weight watchers recipe)
• saturday - cajun barbeque rub for pork tenderloin (ww, again)
• sunday - ward family night, so who knows.

have i mentioned that i use this meal planner/grocery shopping list? i'm pretty sure i got it from Liz.

last week a few items didn't get made, so they're making their appearances this week. 

this afternoon, i was talking to my friend kristin on gmail. she gave me some encouraging advice about exercising...  so now i've got a new goal: exercise every morning after mikey goes back to bed. then shower. so that when he wakes up again for real, for the day - i'm ready to go. cause mikey wakes up sometime between 5-7 and eats, but then always goes back to bed until between 8 - 9. so... i'm doing it. my goal is to get in 3 miles and then shower. no more jumping back into bed for me!

i want progress. i'm feeling motivated.

a happy sick boy & dinner pictures

 mikey will stop fussing or squawking anytime i turn my camera on my phone on & let him look at himself. i adore it. he does too, clearly. is he vain or what? [p.s. you should check out his youtube channel... new video with him looking at himself in the mirror.] today, we had quite the wait at the dr's office. yes, i took him to have his ears checked. yes, i realize i'm a paranoid mom. but he has a rash & a fever.

monday's dinner: homemade chicken cordon bleu, roasted asparagus and a caesar salad.

tonight's dinner: spinach & strawberry salad with a homemade vinaigrette dressing, creamy chicken & bacon pastry puffs. heaven on earth. we're having those leftovers for lunch tomorrow. i can't wait.

recently, my dad has given me a little grief about how much cooking garrett does around here. and believe me, i know how much garrett does around here. i do. i appreciate. i do. but i got a tidge defensive when my dad was teasing me. it made me realize that if i'm sensitive about it, it is probably partially true. maybe i do feel a little guilty about the amount of my work that garrett has done in the last 6 months. so this week, i'm stepping up my game plan. no frozen meals so far. even homemade salad dressing tonight. 

those pastry thingys - you need to give them a whirl. divine.

so, take that dad. i aint afraid of no kitchen.

this week's menu:

i do much better with eating when i menu plan. if i have menus planned, i don't opt for going out to eat at night.

here's what i've got planned for the week:

• monday - homemade chicken cordon bleu, caesar salad, roasted asparagus
• tuesday - creamy chicken & bacon pastry pockets, canned corn, spinach salad
• wednesday - teriyaki chicken with rice, sushi (from costco), salad
• thursday - baked potatoes & fixin's, salad, carrots
• friday - pineapple bacon burgers, oven roasted balsamic brussel sprouts
• saturday - grilled chicken, black bean & couscous salad

notice i avoided putting any desserts on my menu. i'm hoping if i don't put it on the menu, i'll forget about it. we'll see.