so sick of being sick

less than a week before christmas, mikey got sick. it was worse than just a cold, so we took him in and low and behold - he had strep. at that time, henry was a little wheezy from a cold and was put on his nebulizer for a week for breathing treatments. by christmas eve morning, my throat hurt so bad i wanted to die. i had strep too. my family told me i'd be feeling better by christmas morning, but they were wrong. very wrong. it took 4 days ON ANTIBIOTICS to get feeling better. not great, just better. the day after christmas garrett was diagnosed with strep. right around the time my antibiotics were over for strep, i started feeling weird. a weird stomach ache/cramps that i didn't know what to do about. i didn't say much about it at first. i just had weird pains... looking back now if i ever get those pains again, i'll go straight to the urologist. around the time i had the weird pains start, one night i felt like i had to pee constantly. the next morning i went to the doc and said, "i have a bladder infection." there was blood in my urine but i wasn't showing lots of symptoms for bladder infections, but they treated me for one because of the blood and the frequency of going. by the time that was over with, i swear i felt like i was best friends with my doctor. we had scheduled a physical in order to get a biometric screening done for a huge discount for our medical insurance. i finished my last antibiotic for the bladder infection on friday afternoon. saturday morning was the physical. we talked about the weird pain i was having - she thought it might be an ovarian cyst - not much you can do for those, but suffer the pain unless they are really big and then they do a surgery. i was also diagnosed with round two of strep. and she warned me that if i have strep again right away, i'd need to see an ENT. [ear, nose, and throat specialist]

early monday morning, i woke up with the pain amped up about 100 times and then the vomiting started. i was beside myself. i seriously thought i was dying. i called my parents and asked them to come help me. by the time they got here, it was pretty much decided that i couldn't wait for the doctor's office to open, i needed to go to the ER. off we went. i couldn't even sit down - that pain is like nothing i've ever felt. and i couldn't stop barfing. we went to the ER and after a few hours they figured out that it was kidney stones. boy, pain killers can sure be a life saver. i vaguely remember the morphine getting into my veins the first time and being able to just relax a little. it didn't take the pain away, i just could stop. stop panicking, stop vomiting, stop so miserable. i think i even calmed down enough to fall asleep for a few minutes. they sent me home monday afternoon with instructions to get to the urologist tomorrow. i did. we found out that day that the hospital wasn't in network with our insurance [whoops, that was a mistake, we thought it was] and we needed to go to a different hospital [better in our opinion, but further away...] and that surgery would be necessary within a few days. my kidney stoneS were large. on the right side, both were bigger than what can be passed. [found out a few days later that i also have kidney stones on the left kidney, but they won't do both kidneys at once - risk of renal failure, so they wait a month.]

did i mention that while throwing up on monday morning i ruptured my eardrum? it was slightly infected, along with the strep. i've never ruptured an ear drum before - it hurts terribly. sharp pain in the ear and loss of hearing. takes about 4 - 6 weeks to recover. not much you can do there for it. super awesome. 

they called me wednesday early afternoon to tell me that surgery was going to be friday, and that i needed to stop taking ibuprofen. i could continue my narcotic, but i needed both narcotic and ibuprofen to manage the pain. wednesday was also henry's 1st birthday. we had invited our whole family on both sides over for dinner. i had downgraded the party to just cake on tuesday, as i was not feeling well. the pain meds were working, but no one should throw a birthday party on pain killers. ha. before the party started that evening, i knew i was doomed. i vomited once, but felt better after. my pain was increasing as the minutes ticked on. my parents and garrett did EVERYTHING for that party. my mom decorated the cakes. she helped garrett with decorations. my dad cleaned and helped with the kids. i layed on the couch barking orders and feeling like crap. i knew i was going to need to go back to the hospital, i just didn't know when. i knew i wasn't going to make it til friday.  the party happened. i was there physically at least, probably not really mentally though. everyone left pretty early and i was in bed by 8 pm. 

2 am thursday morning came around and i was awake. the pain was becoming intolerable again. i felt nauseated. [you can really tell a difference without the ibuprofen!]  i tossed and turned for a while until i finally woke up garrett and said, "i think i'm going to need to go back to the hospital this morning. i can't take it." he wondered why we should wait. i didn't even hesitate, and said, "you're right. i'll call my parents." my dad answered at 2:36 and they were here by 3. by the time they pulled up, i was such a wreck that i was waiting outside for them. we jumped in the car, they took over the boys for the next 36+ hours. my parents are saints. they are life savers. there is no one out there that i would've felt comfortable leaving my babies with like that. they know the kids, they know their drill, i knew they would all be fine. 

i spent a few hours in the ER and then by late morning they admitted me to the hospital until after the surgery the following day. i was in the hospital until after the surgery friday afternoon. late afternoon. as in no food or drink all day. its a good thing i've got a little meat on my bones - i survived. 

the surgery wasn't bad. i was out for it. ha. [the anesthesiologist was a little bit rude to me, basically treated me like a crack whore. but that's another store for another time] the recovery hasn't been fun. its been 10 days now & i still don't feel great. i'm not terrible anymore, but there has been pain. bad enough that i've contemplated the ER again, had i not been warned that it could get bad... the stent hurt and was very uncomfortable. the removal was a little scary but the 4 -5 days after that were worse. talk about over active bladder and cramping again! pain killers are a good thing, let me tell you. 

the good news is i am a ticking time bomb until the end of february - when my next surgery is. hopefully then i won't need the stent after. i shouldn't, based on my knowledge of why i got the first one and what the situation on lefty is. 

since january 1 - i have lost 10 pounds. mostly from not eating and being sick. when i have eaten, i've tried to eat better. i was planning on doing a 30 day smoothie challenge. it hasn't happened. i've made more smoothies this month than i had for months, but it surely isn't enough. i have indulged in some comfort eating, but you know what? i've been miserable. i could've done better, but i sure as hell could've done a lot worse! i haven't felt good enough to exercise yet... that is a february goal now. i am proud of myself because i have lost weight, despite all of this crap. i easily could've clogged more arteries and comforted myself more. i'm not beating myself up for what hasn't happened, i'm just continuing to try to do better and acknowledge what i have done. and i'm going to pray everyday that i never get kidney stones again. they're the worse. 

i've got 2 or so more days of antibiotics that they sent me home from the hospital with. for the strep and post surgery. yesterday i woke up with a cold coming on, which is super fun when you already have a clogged ear and pain there.  my throat doesn't hurt yet, but the second time i had strep i didn't even have a sore throat. just swollen glands. you could see the strep in the back of my throat. i'm too scared to even look at my throat now. i'm really hoping that i don't have strep again, cause we've blown through our flex spending money and i don't like our co-pay for specialists. 

oh and - henry is back on nebulizer treatments.

my advice: do not get kidney stones. 

gross...

5 days healing.  band aids off, to air out.  neither of us is happy about it. yuck. 

his precious little hand

this morning, i was nursing and garrett was making pudding to do pudding art with mikey. mikey wandered into our room and i could hear him on the treadmill, one of his favorite places for at least a year. he loves walking on there, recently discovered making it "bigger bigger" by increasing the incline. one of his fanciest tricks has been to walk backwards on it. in the last 2 weeks, he's figured out how to turn it on on his own. it has crossed my mind more than once that i didn't like him being able to get on there without us - he could get hurt, though i have to admit this injury is not what crossed my mind when i thought about it. when we heard the blood curdling scream, i yelled at garrett to run. he did. garrett had to pull mikey's sweet little hand out from in between the end guard plastic part and the running treadmill... garrett was quiet, so i knew what he saw wasn't good, in addition to mikey crying and screaming. i asked him what was going on... he said, "skin is missing." and i knew it was time to get henry off of me and go see what was going on. garrett had mikey in the bathroom and was rinsing his hand and sadly, i immediately wanted to throw up or pass out or sit down and cry for poor mikey... but i didn't. i tried to help garrett by getting out first aid supplies. i'm not good at all in this kind of emergency situation. i was dismissed to go finish nursing henry, who by now was crying, too. eventually, he calmed down, garrett got mikey bandaged up, they snuggled on the couch with an ice pack and mikey pretty quickly fell asleep - the shock was wearing off and apparently it was pretty exhausting. 

long story short - we took him into the doctor's office this afternoon - 2nd degree burns. we'll follow instructions on how to take care of his sweet little fingers for the next few days. we'll keep the ibuprofen flowing for as long as he needs it, we'll spoil him with ice cream and whatever else we need to do. it has been almost 10 hours since it happened and my body is still tense. i don't want to imagine what mikey feels, though i have to say he seemed to be dealing with it really well today. he was pretty happy, perky and normal tonight. i'm trying not to feel too guilty about what happened. i could easily beat myself up emotionally. but i do know mikey will be pretty disappointed because the emergency pull cord will always be removed and put up high from the treadmill from here on out - he won't be able to work it at all. 

hairpocolypse

and to think, i used to be afraid of the zombie apocolypse. who knew that a hair cut could be so devastating?

surely not me. i had hair almost to my boobs when i went in on saturday. i was ok with going about 3 inches shorter - same style, just cleaned up and thinned out a bit. i walked out in shock, not wanting to realize what had just happened to me. [i won't compare my haircut to date rape, because i'm not that trivial... but almost.]

she butchered me. she layered up the back so crazy like & short. incredibly short. like the layers started at eye level short. remember - i had long hair when i went in there. the back was left in a messy, oddly drastic a-line cut that stopped when it got to the sides. the sides - she left completely unblended. and uneven. and blunt. 

when i left, the first thing i did was put my hair up in a pony tail. cause i wanted to hide from the monster, maybe. sunday, i tried doing my hair for church & it was bad. reality was starting to set in. i tried to wear it wavy like normal & when i saw myself later in the mirror, i was horrified. horrified that people saw me at church and probably thought, "honey - you left the house like that? have you no shame?" it was bad.

this length surely doesn't flatter my chubby little face. in fact, i think it made it worse.  who wants a haircut that makes your face look even fatter?  awesome. so good for the self esteem, right?

monday i was hating life. i hated my hair. i hated that it took me the whole time mikey was napping to get it done. gone are the days of a quick shower and get dressed session. back are the days of sweating out a blow dry & flat iron session.  its fun to have underboob sweat, right? i keep telling myself this. 

tuesday, i was starting to feel depressed. every time i looked in the mirror, i thought the meanest and ugliest thoughts about myself. i know i can be hard on myself, self-deprecating. amplify it by 100. [add to the mess a lovely setting of no less than 5 huge, painful zits that i was getting. hormone much?] i got fed up. i called the salon. it is an aveda salon. i decided that nice, passive hayley had to shut the hell up & stand up for her self. 

i explained to the lady that answered that i had a butch job done and that i wanted it fixed. i no longer want to look like florence henderson in the back with dog ears in front. she giggled and set me up to get fixed tonight. 

the girl that fixed me - she's not 12, she's my age in fact - she sat me down and we talked about it. when i asked for a little validation, she agreed - horrible. and she said that that was being professional. she apologized and told me that in order to fix it, she was going to have to go even a little bit shorter, but that she'd try her hardest to leave length. and fix it she did. i left there tonight satisfied with the haircut that i now have. i may not be happy about it, but at least i don't feel absolutely ridiculous now. 

so i may not be able to pull it up into a pony tail anymore. its that short. and i may have to spend my whole time that mikey's napping doing it... but at least i am not a shame to myself when i walk out of my bathroom anymore. well, there is still the fat girl with boob sweat issue - but i'm working on that, too. 

i'll even go back to this new girl. megan. but i warned her that i'll be growing it out and to not expect me back in right away.  she said i was welcome. she fixed it & i appreciate it. she even sent me home with a bottle of hair product. that made momma happy.

don't ask for pictures. none were taken. even i don't hate myself that much. i seriously wanted to cry.

and the scariest monster in the closet is...

mikey is terrified of the vacuum. usually when i get it out of the closet, he stares it down. can't take his eyes off of it. i try to either hold him or have garrett take him in another room when i do it because how i figured it out wasn't pretty. a tortured, body shaking cry. well, i made a mistake in thinking that if he had his back to me playing super happily this morning, it wouldn't bother him. as soon as i turned it on, he whipped his head around and started screaming. poor kid. i held him and only vacuumed the living room because he squeezed me the entire time. 

at the rate i'm going, i won't be winning any mother of the year awards. 

p.s. don't google image search for "scary vacuum" or "haunted vacuum" - because you won't find what i was looking for. just a bunch of psycho pictures that will probably give me nightmares tonight.

curse you volcano!

volcano, i curse you because my dad is out traveling and working. and he's in places that i don't even like to begin with. i mean, in theory i don't mind their existence, but i don't like them when my dad has to go go there. currently he's stuck on one continent that i don't feel comfortable knowing he's there. cause he can't fly to another continent because of volcanic ash in the air. to get to another land that i never thought i'd hear myself say that i'd rather have him be there than anywhere. but i'd feel much more at ease knowing he gets out of where he is right now. ug. being a daughter is tough work. all of this worrying and caring. this morning, i was watching the news and i'd already checked my email and didn't have a new one waiting for me from my dad. it made me nervous. and i'm pregnant and hormonal. and so i went into garrett and told him of my concerns and he held me for a minute and just let me cry. i sucked it up and tried to be strong but i just don't like worrying. even though, everyone else will tell you that i'm probably over reacting. i try to tell myself that too, but sometimes it just doesn't get thru to me. maybe that volcanic ash is affecting my head, too. don't worry, later on i did email him saying something along the lines of "i'd feel a lot better if i had some sort of update from you today." and he complied. he might call me an uncouth barbarian, but he's usually pretty obedient.

please say a little prayer for him that he'll be safe. thanks.

[he was in nigeria. he is currently in ghana. was supposed to fly thru amsterdam to get to kuwait. is now trying to go thru dubai to get to kuwait. should be home next week.]

vampires and monsters

[photography by hojo. editing done at picnik.com]

phantom bunnies, psoriasis, and scary moments

in addition to the lovely concert last night, there were also a few other moments. i even have a few pictures to share that will only add to the stories.

• i black & whited this picture, cause i thought it might help in demonstrating garrett's "oh shit, there's a bunny!" moment that he had. in actuality, there was no phantom bunny, it was just a tied up garbage bag... but it gave him a scare & me a laugh.

• my forehead sunburn decided that yesterday was the day to start peeling, like crazy. yes, i know... ugly. well, had it not been for death cab, i would've banished my broken, ugly self in for the day. i was that grossed out by myself. but, instead, i had to wear my bangs down & survive. i did it for the band. but when i met jamie's friend, matt - don't worry, i clearly stated first and foremost that i wasn't in denial of my gross face & that i was sorry i looked like i had psoriasis. before you know it, i was calling it other lovely names like cirrhosis & syphilis. [none of which i really have, i promise.] i might've loudly apologized during the concert for my syphilis head. i'm sure people around me were alarmed & confused. poor matt. i'm sure he is scarred in more than one way after having to be exposed to the likes of me & garrett last night. we were on one!

• and then there's this guy. this picture is more figurative than anything. but it was taken at the concert. i don't know why, but whenever we're standing near each other, one of us will put our foot over the other person's foot. it's just a simple, sweet little affection & when he did it last night at the concert, i loved it. the real point is this: we had a scary moment driving home. and it made me realize, a few minutes afterwards, that Garrett is protective of me & would defend me in a heartbeat. ok. so here goes. we dropped off jamie & matt at around 11.30. a few minutes after leaving her place, my phone starts ringing. we're driving down a road that is all crazy like with construction & when she asks if matt's keys are in our car, i tell garrett to pull over. we can't right away - but he turns off on the first possible chance. we're in west valley & i'm sorry, but where we were wasn't the best area. it just wasn't. i didn't love pulling off on some dark road, but at the same time - i didn't want to leave matt high & dry if we had his keys. so garrett pulls down a side road & turns right into the first little parking area, which was heavily lit. seemed ok. but as soon as i got out of the car to look in the trunk, this little rice rocket car comes speeding around the back corner & the dude driving rolls down his window & says to me, "wazup?" he didn't come out or too close, but it definitely scared the living shit out of me. my heart started pounding & i got an immediate adrenaline rush accompanied with the feeling "get the hell out of this situation. now!" i gave him a polite smile meant to say "i'm not trying to start trouble!" and made sure he knew i was on my phone & i loudly said, "jamie, i can't find it, i'm so sorry!" and then the next thing i realized was my sweet husband was standing my my side. i said quickly, "get back in the car!" and we both did and we got out of there fast. while we were turning around, the guy left. thing is, garrett didn't even know the guy had talked to me, he just got a creeped out feeling & thought to himself "i don't want her out there alone." he protected me. as we were driving away, i realized that could've been a very bad situation. i definitely felt like garrett was prompted to get out and make his presence known. and i know for sure that that guy wasn't just being friendly. i don't know why kinda business he was up to back there, but i know for sure when we pulled into that little spot, it disrupted him & he wasn't happy. turns out - matt's keys were buried deep in his little bag. and luckily for me, i didn't get raped & pillaged.

p.s. i'm sorry for posting picture of our feet. still love/like me, ok?

in addition

my blog is blank again. what the hell?

plus, there was some suicidal guy on the loose in our neighborhood this morning - so my school was in lockdown for an hour and a half.

CRAZY! and miserable for a girl with a bladder infection.

i need life to slow down a little.

red & orange pee. not fun.

thursday i recognized that i wasn't feeling well & hadn't been for a few days. i should've put two and two together sooner, but there was a lot going on. we were busy and emotionally involved in other matters. by friday i was forced to recognize my pains & identify the causes.

i have done this before is the thing. gotten bladder infections, that is. because of not drinking water. thursday night when i recognized that it hurt to pee & that i was going often, i reflected a little. i also hadn't had more than a few sips of water in over a week.

i spent friday at school tormented. i was running in and out of the bathroom constantly. i'm not exaggerating when i say that it was at least every 2 minutes. and boy, was it painful.

as soon as school was over, we rushed to the instacare. peed in a cup & of course, there's large amounts of blood, protein & other such nonsense in my urine. (by that time, i was actually peeing full on blood... scary!)

got medication picked up... got home & started taking pills. and laying down. and using the heating pad. my bladder ached. my kidneys were sore. i had no energy. i was feverish.

the reason why i wasn't paying as much attention to how i felt earlier in the week is because Garrett's grandfather passed away earlier in the week... now, you should know i really like old people. i just have a special place in my heart for them. so, while i had only met Arlo a few times, he was special to me. especially because i know how much Garrett loves him. i was hurting, cause i knew Garrett was hurting. on top of this, Friday night was the viewing with a family dinner beforehand. i wasn't up to going. i cried before he left... but i just couldn't do it. i cried after he left, i felt so bad that i wasn't going and supporting him. but i knew deep down that if i didn't give myself some time to heal then saturday wasn't going to happen either.

saturday wasn't easy... it was sad. it was painful.

i'm still recovering. i'm still peeing more than i'd like to be. but at least i'm drinking water. and taking better care of myself. Garrett, of course, has been wonderful. he's taken very good care of me. i love him. i hope emotionally that i've been able to help him a fraction of what he's done to help me this weekend.

one of the medications that i'm taking turns my pee bright orange. but, it also numbs my bladder, so i take it. it is freaky to see orange pee in the toilet. but it's better than blood red, too.

mom, i'm sorry. i don't know what is wrong with me. but, i've also decided that i'm quitting the full swing addiction problem that i was suffering from. i figure the dr pepper is what got me in this predicament. so i'm quitting. hold me to it. remind me, if you ever see me drinking again how horrible i felt this weekend... i don't know how i ever forgot it.

shocking

excuse my chubby face

but could you please take a look at my welty arm & tell me what you think?!

its a bite or sting of some kind, i'd assume.

this morning i went to garrett's house & he'd been messing with a wasp nest. then we went outside on a lil walk. little while later, this guy shows up on my arm. i'm assuming i got stung, but i didn't feel it. but the skin feels odd, slightly itchy and sensitive. i'm not too nervous. but do i need to put stuff on it or drink some dr pepper to make it better? let me know. thanks.

p.s. kisses kinda make it better. just kinda though

don't approach me

i didn't grow up in Utah. i grew up in Chicago. where we don't welcome perfect strangers into our personal space. where we might not be the most friendly, but at least we're polite. we keep to ourselves, sure, but we don't go getting in people's faces.

let me take a step back. a while ago, Heidi and i went on a girl's night out. during the course of our evening, we hit the target. while walking back to our car, a very clean cut young man approached us. before he even started talking, but was definitely walking right towards us, Heidi basically shouted, "Stay back, or we'll scream!" My reaction: to just turn my head & look at her, in shock. I couldn't believe she was so verbal (why was i shocked there?!) about her discomfort with this guy. I pretty much missed the rest of the situation, cause I was in shock. At my sister, not the man. He didn't "approach" anymore, in fact, Heidi said he took a step back, clearly he was also surprised by her. He wanted some money, of course. Of course, we didn't give it to him. We quickly got in the car & locked our doors. That's when reality hit me & I realized what had just happened. My sister had taken care of me. Typical. I have great sisters.

Last night, I ran into the Smith's Marketplace to grab a gallon of milk. On the left of my car was an empty space & then a car parked one space over. Walking out, I noticed an older man loading groceries into the car one space from mine. And a young man, in a nice hat & leather jacket. They were talking but right as I was getting to my car, the young guy turned from him & walked up to me. It IMMEDIATELY put me in panic mode. Here's what I did: I grabbed my keys the self defense way I've heard, one of the keys in between my two fingers, all hidden in my pocket - but I was ready to attack. This guy walked up to me & asked for money. I said, "Sorry, I don't carry cash." Got in my car as quick as possible & locked the doors. Started it up, too for numerous reasons. Mainly cause its cold as all get out.

It was then that I noticed that the older man next to me had also sorta defended me. He'd stopped loading his groceries and watched the whole thing happen. When I was in my car, he made eye contact with me, smiled & nodded. I smiled back, appreciating what he'd done. He had my back, if I needed it. I didn't, thankfully.

In both situations, I had someone protecting me & nothing happened, but still. scary! Why do people bother me for money? What is it about me that says, "oh sure, approach her, she's a sucker!"??? I'm not. In fact, I'm quite unfriendly. I know I am. I'm from Chicago, you see, where we keep to ourselves. I hate that about Utah, how many beggars & homeless people there are. Stop being generous you Mormons, you're only creating a monster!

Don't you worry - I grabbed my receipt out of my purse, dialed the store and told them to send security out. I hope they did. Cause next time, if someone approaches me, I'm not even going to dignify their question with words. I'm going do kung fu on their balls! (maybe I'm more like Heidi than I want to admit!)

migraine city

i got up this morning with a headache. got dressed and went to church. singing the opening hymn, i noticed that it felt like i'd been staring into lights. certain parts of things were like blacked out. it got worse. to the point where it was almost like i couldn't see at all out of my left eye, cause it was all blacked out. finally, i just got up and left - cause it was making me nervous about driving home. so i got home & crawled into bed. slept from 10am til 2pm. my head is still pounding right now, but my eyes are ok. i'm trying to get some school work done & i'll see if i feel up to working out later. that was kinda freaky, and it especially bummed me out cause i left church. oh well. i'm sure we'll all survive, but i'm hoping to have this migraine kicked by tomorrow. i hate making sub plans!!!

a little midmorning adventure

this post - i'm warning you - is going to be a little personal. it wouldn't offend me at all, if you chose to skip it. (dad that would be you!) i'm about to start talking about womanly things. now, don't complain if you read on & don't like it.

a certain little daily pill that i take everyday helps me with so many things. not what most women take it for - the whole prevention of conception. i take it for regulation. i take it to help my skin. i take it so i'm not an emotional wreck for a large enough portion of the month that some people think i'm crazy. :) its worth the $30 a month. what i love about this particular one i'm taking is that i often miss that week of drainage. graphic? sorry. i still suffer slightly from the pms phase. my skin usually gets a little messed up. i get tired. maybe even a little weepy at certain movies.

well - as some of you know - last weekend was a weekend of movies for me. and - a weekend of tears. some pretty massive tears. even prompted some real life contemplations. also - in the last week, my face has wickedly erupted. its caused me some emotional pain, but i've tried so hard to ignore it. and to slap it with toothpaste & neosporin. its always fun when you're talking to someone and you know they're not looking at your eyes.

after i chugged my camelbak this morning, i was feeling an urgent desire to urinate. so i got my kids working on their science pack & made a run to the little girl's room. to find a surprise. a big surprise, since i'm only half way through the month. and since i've missed the last two months - i haven't been packing much. obviously - not my smartest idea.

but this surprise answers a few questions. like why i've been so sad, so easily lately. (you shouldn't cry cause you miss your babies so much that upon seeing a new adorable picture of them, it makes you tear up) and why i've got pizza face right now (i haven't been picking. the joys of these beasts is that they started as sores)

but here's how i'm being optimistic: i've still lost 4 pounds, even with an obvious hormonal imbalance. and i've done it without much dr pepper. tuesday was my last one. sure - i could have one today, but i'm not feeling the need for it, so why bother, right?! and - i'm feeling thankful that i caught this problem before much of a problem occured. since i am wearing my lightest pair of khaki's today. fun!

so to all of you that survived this post, i'm sorry. forgive me. but my one of my motto's is: if i have to suffer through it. you get to hear 'bout it.

Oh & P.S. - I totally had one today!

two days left

last year i had this boy in my class. he was a twin. he had lice 4 times. me thinks his family is polygamist. but i can't prove it. and unfortunately those kids are wierd enough that you could never catch them in a lie or something like that. they were extremely low children. this young child was a sweet boy, but didn't know a lick of anything.

so he just came into my room (after school) to tell me with his double jointed, dirty fingers that there are 2 days left until his birthday. "miss jones! 2 days left!" "til what?" "til my birthday!" "your birthday is January 6th?" cause today's January 4th. correct me if my calculations are off. "no." "when is your birthday?" "march 14th." oh. yeah, cause that's in 2 days.

sweet child.

no rest for the weary

Last night I had to be super auntie. Heidi and David were busy with a medical procedure, that ended up taking a lot longer than expected... more details on that later. I had to round up her kids after school, get homework done, piano practiced & dinner fed. Plus, I had to run to the store and buy whatever it was I was going to bring for our bookclub. Which turned out to be croissants. mhmmm - are those things delicious or what? Bookclub started at 7, at Heidi's & she wasn't home yet. So I had to play hostess with the mostest in her house. I was like a bull in a china shop. (i wish i was kidding more. i'm not graceful though)

and mind you, i've got a kinked neck that is rendering me useless. or at least i felt like i should be rendered that way. and - i've got a head cold & an ear infection. and kids - they just don't slow down cause you're not feeling well.

when my sister got home, finally - after every one else had arrived, she wasn't right. one glance at her, i wanted to cry. david's oldest brother 2 months ago had a colonoscopy and had a huge mass removed & a bunch of precancerous polyps removed. and his grandpa died of colon cancer. at that, that doctor recommended everyone one of david's siblings get one. now, i've had one & they are about the least fun thing i can imagine, but now know so necessary. last night was david's appointment. the doctor found a 5 cm mass. and many polyps. they removed them already & we're now waiting pathology reports. heidi was definitely in shock and panick mode. which sent me a little over the edge. david's been in our family since i was 10. we're close. this is way too close to home & i sat there all night, listening to heidi talk. my neck and ear throbbing, wishing i was in bed & this whole night wasn't happening.

after the ladies left, i went up and had a little heart to heart with david. he was feeling pretty positive about the situation, which calmed me down. i mean, i'm still worried, and all night long as i tossed, turned and winced, i thought of them... what we're going to hear, what's going to happen, etc... just a little scary

everyone's reaction to the tranny ho

hopefully you can click on this picture and zoom. its hair was attrocious. and you can not even imagine the pain we felt for its walking. loooooooong toe nails. hooker heels. bad altogether. see all the people looking? we weren't the only ones!

hope was absolutely disgusted!

will was thinking "wait just a second... let me see that again!"

connor was at a loss for words. the expression says it all.

ok. so maybe the bubb's weren't reacting to it. but i thought they were pretty fitting/funny pictures! we couldn't get over this! we had to ride on the elevator with them. freaky!

local drama

earlier this week i was watching (listening to) the news while getting dressed for work, as I always do. i heard that there was a bank robbery at this "local west jordan credit union" so i stepped out of the bathroom, into my bedroom to see - cause i use a credit union & there's a branch that i frequent in west jordan. THAT WAS MY EXACT BRANCH! kinda gave me the willys. the bank that i am at on an almost weekly basis doing some sort of transaction, was held up & robbed this week. freaky!

then, this afternoon, there was maybe 20 minutes left before school was out. my principal walks into my room and says "i've gotta talk to you about something you need to talk to your team about right now." so i excuse myself & go talk to her. (no, i didn't fart, i pardoned myself from reading the rest of the book to my students) she tells me that she's just been informed by the WJ police that there was an attempted abduction just this afternoon at the elementary school right next to ours. this is the school that i drive past every day going to my house. people in my ward, there kids go to that school. (i only live about 2 miles from my school) this freaks me out people. for these poor little kids. i talked to them about walking home with a buddy & not talking to strangers. luckily, its red ribbon week right now. (say no to drugs week) and so i reminded them (we weren't supposed to freak people out, we were supposed to just remind them about safety) that one way to avoid drugs is by not talking to strangers. strangers could be the people that offer us drugs.

i've been home tonight, grading papers, making dinner, watching tv. the thought keeps crossing my mind: i hope all of my kids are ok tonight. it scares the hell out of me.

i'm a wreck today

so... last night, there was torrential wind & rain. and thunder and lightening. then my electricity went out. so i sat there reading for a while, before it went dark. then i realized that my cell phone was getting close to dying. then i remembered that i hadn't eaten dinner yet. and that my car was stuck in my garage. lets just say there was shaking involved.

when my electricity finally went back on, a little over an hour later, i was such a mess, i couldn't think straight. i just sat and watched the news the rest of the night. the news was crazy this morning with damaged houses, trees blown over, roots & all... crushed trampolines. at one point i looked out my window and was shocked to see the better part of a tree blowing down my street. and it looked like a piece of paper blowing in the wind. it was so eerie. but lemme just tell you - i didn't sleep well, what with all the thunder and lightening last night. quite frightening.

this morning, i was chatting with my dad on the way to work. he was telling me about something sassy he said to heidi, about our cruise. (if you don't, you should know, heidi's a little turbo. she's very organized & thinks things through, including alternate plans for EVERYTHING) well, yesterday she emailed my parents and me telling us that she's got 18 bottles of sunscreen for her family. (i hope i'll survive with 3 for myself! - keep your fingers crossed no burns!) so mikey told me that he called her last night asking if 8 tubes of toothpaste is enough, cause he plans on sharing with mom & i, and that he doesn't want to offend anyone, so he plans on brushing at least thrice, daily. haha. i love how he can gently make fun of us for our quirky ways. and mind you - most of our quirky ways are a direct result of being HIS daughter. but that's why we love him.

but - here's what else you need to know, because of the lack of sleep, i'm extremely tired. i couldn't drag my butt out of bed, so i self negotiated. i didn't do my hair, so i put it up in a ponytail right after my shower. its still wet, which is annoying, but it was worth that sacrifice. i also didn't shave, so i'm wearing pants. my eyes are bloodshot and puffy. and i was ornery with one of my kids (the one who told me i have a big butt) this morning after he made another student cry & pushed her down, flat on her butt, into a puddle. He said to me, "I have already apologized four times, at least!" I said, "you don't need to apologize ever again. you need to stuff this (in my mind i screamed you need to stop this shit!) and keep your hands to yourself. saying your sorry and then turning around doing it again and again. that makes the apology invalid."

GOOD HELL... as I was typing this post, my students are supposed to be practicing their spelling words. the aforementioned student had no good reason, but felt the urge to stab another student in the back with his pencil... geesh! i sent him down to the principal's office, for the 2nd time today! man oh man!