so for years i have talked about losing weight. i've even tried for a few days at a time. and slowly, i've gained more and more weight. sure, i had two kids, but i also ate more and more. it wasn't pretty for me. i started really not liking what i was seeing. i never have been a big "check myself out in front of the mirror multiple times a day" kinda girl, but for a long time, i have downright avoided mirrors. it was embarrassing. i didn't think nice things about myself. i've probably always been way too hard on myself, but the mental abuse i put myself through for the last few years was not good. and it didn't help.
i didn't know what to do. i could join a gym or weight watchers, but that's expensive. and i don't have money to just waste if i wasn't truly committed. about a month ago, i decided things needed to change. i really wanted to do something. 2014 was going to be my year and it was half over. sure, i've had two kidney stone surgeries this year, along with a few other excuses i could come up with... but really when i thought about it, the kidney stone issue was even more reason that i needed to do something. i do not want that problem back. and it very well could happen. i could be prone to them, regardless of my diet. but... if diet has anything to do with it, deep down i knew i owed it to myself to avoid it. my sister had told me about the bikini body mommy and i had even done a few of her workouts for a few days. i think i even did her first challenge for about 5 days straight earlier in the year. and like always, i tanked. something happened and i gave up. and comforted myself with a burger and fries.
here's what is hard about having natural skinniness on your side until your mid to late 20's... you never learn to monitor yourself. you're used to being able to eat as many oreos as you want in one sitting. and chocolate shakes? well they belong with a burger and fries, doi. anyway, in my early years, i was a picky eater - but as an adult, i discovered things like sour cream and deviled eggs and heaven only knows i washed it all down with a dr pepper. i have never been "athletic," didn't play sports in high school, and have never enjoyed working out. i'm a reader, i like to listen to music, to watch movies, to make people laugh. breaking a sweat, not my thing.
but being ashamed when you look at yourself in a mirror is brutal. i know i am a good person. deep down, i like me. but i hated the way i look. and i knew my health was suffering. so, i finally got moving. got my ass off the couch, if you will.
so, i spent a few days thinking and really stewing about what i was going to do. i talked a little about it with my husband, but in my mind i was really plotting. i thought i was going to join weight watchers... that is even what we talked about doing. then on a monday morning (july 21st to be exact) i was on bikini body mommy's website and i bought her success journal ($15). as soon as garrett was off the phone, i poked my head in there and told him what i did. and i said i was going to get the book printed that very day and i was going to start her workouts.
i got the book printed (>$25) that day. and i did the workout. and i took my measurements and pictures. and i hated those numbers and the picture. but i told myself this was going to be the end of it. and the next day i did it again. and again and again.
today is day 26. monday we do our day 30 pictures and measurements again. i'm not skinny or even fit yet, but i can tell a difference. i've lost about 14 pounds. i've lost a lot of inches, especially in certain places like my belly. my face isn't as fat. i wore a pair of pants this week that fit comfortably. before this all started, i couldn't wear them, they were obscenely tight and i couldn't even button them.
garrett is doing this with me, in fact most days we do the workouts together on his lunch break. when i told him i was going to print the success journal, he told me to print him one, too. he's doing great, too. it is good for both of us. i'm proud of him but i'm not telling his story. i'm glad we're doing this together, mostly because of the eating. i'm eating a lot healthier and it wouldn't work if one of us was eating ice cream every night. that person might not survive the night, ha.
we're using our fitbits that we got earlier this year. we're logging our food on our fitbit. we log our activities, too. i'm loving my success journal. it really helps for me to have a place to write down thoughts, feelings, and what i'm doing.
most days i go for a walk in the morning - about 2-3 miles. i don't count that as my exercise because it just helps me get to 10,000 steps. that is a daily goal, to just be moving more. the bikini body mommy workouts are my workout. and they are tough. but i can do them. for free. at home. with my kids underfoot.
so i'm 26 days in. i have not skipped a day yet. sure, there have been days where i've gone over my desired calorie deficit. but not grossly. there have been days where i've had treats. but i've kept track. and those days are happening less and less because i'm figuring things out and it isn't as hard, mentally any more. physically it is still kicking my butt. i sweat like crazy now. but i like it. i never thought i would. there has not been a day where i've missed my exercise, except sundays. sundays are the rest day and i have taken advantage of them. mommy likey sundays.
today was probably the first time i even thought about skipping a workout. i had a huge costco trip to make this morning. so my morning routine was off. and then we went to my mom and dad's for dinner. but at 8:30 when the kids were finally in bed, i knew i had some calories to make up for. normally my work out is over early in the day, and i'm not eating calories that i haven't earned yet. but tonight, i was a few hundred calories over. so we did our bikini body mommy workout. and then i jumped on the treadmill until i got to 10,000 steps. i didn't even really want to skip, it just could've happened pretty easily. but we're doing this together and so instead of plopping on the couch watching shark week, we got our move on.
i'm excited. its a 90 day challenge, which goes until mid october. i'm excited to see where i am at the end of this challenge. i have a goal to lose at least 20 more pounds. i know i can do it. the craziest thing to me is most of the time i don't even want the junk. i can see how my body is using food for energy and strength. i feel better when i eat healthier. and the few times i've had the junk, i didn't feel as good. i don't even want dr pepper anymore, which is pretty much a miracle.
i feel stronger. i push myself everyday to do better than i did on the last workout. i am amazed at what i am doing. and i am feeling better and better about myself. the less negative self-talk, the better, right?