today started out really strong for me. i was feeling great, i was motivated and doing things. mikey was fiesty, especially when i was nursing henry & facetiming with my dad, but other than that - he was pretty good for most of the day. until he fell out of his bed waking up from his nap. you could say he woke up on the wrong side of the bed... my afternoon/evening pretty much went downhill from there. til i had a few tears of guilt at dinner. right before dinner, i was feeling really impatient with everyone & then i looked at that little boy and just felt overwhelmed with it. he's sassy and can be naughty, but i absolutely adore him and know he's a little sick right now and feeling a huge adjustment, too. its hard & we're all just doing our best. ok, done with that, because tears are welling again.
mikey said some ridiculously entertaining things today. i document so as not to forget.
- well, actually let me back up to yesterday. last night - totally unprompted - mikey declared that garrett is the "cutest daddy in the whole world" while they were brushing teeth and getting ready for bed. i don't know what prompted him saying that, but i have to say, i agree. i love that mikey loves his daddy so much. i love that garrett earns that love and affection.
- after a couple of naughty moments and time outs [for hitting me!] mikey was playing with his cars. he'd dumped out his toy bin o' cars and was driving his cars on that toy bin. it was frustrating to him & all of a sudden, i hear him say through gritted teeth, "no! seriously! be quiet!"
- a little while later, i was nursing again & he came up to me and asked, "want me to make dinner for you tonight?" i said, "sure thing! what are we having?" he walks over to the pantry and grabbed a can of diced jalapenos & a can of sliced mushrooms. he walks over to the counter and says, "i make cheeseburgers for you, mommy!" i said that it sounded delicious and asked if i could help. he said, "oh sure!" he proceeded to bring out lots of cans of soup and some chili. even a bag of smellows. he lined them up on the counter and spent at least the next half hour pretending to be making "cheeseburgers, chickens, and french fries" all for me. he moved the cans from one counter to the other. talking and "play-tending" the whole time. he calls anything that is play or pretend "play-tending" i realized today. love it.
- tonight, as garrett was reading stories to mikey before bed, mikey was holding my old cabbage patch kid, morty. all of a sudden, garrett asks him, "are you nursing that baby doll?" he said, "oh, yeah!" and he then mimicked the painful sounds i make as henry latches on. [i suffered for 6 weeks while nursing mikey, please bless that things don't take that long to toughen up with henry! now i fear i'm scarring mikey!] and then i hear him repeat what i've said, "please just stay on!" as sometimes henry doesn't stay on if he needs to burp... good thing i'm not cursing when i don't think mikey is paying attention, because he always is!!!
i would like to think that the few minutes i spent rocking him right before bed sort of made up for any negativity he felt towards me this evening. he rubbed his face on mine and snuggled pretty good during that time. he even whispered, "i love you, mommy" without being asked for it. i wish i didn't feel so guilty when i'm not perfectly patient. realistically i know that dealing with a 2 year old isn't always reasonable and that it could drive a hormone-stable person crazy. but boy can i feel lousy when in the thick of it.