a worrywart's confession

before becoming a mom, i didn't worry about stuff. sure i stressed from time to time, but now - it is different. i worry. i think about situations and feel panicked.

i worry about awful things. things that won't likely happen but if i let myself, i could cry. it can be overwhelming. i won't share my list of things that i think up, but mostly because i'm trying not to dwell.

i want good things for my son. i want health and happiness more than anything. i'm pretty willing to do anything to make sure he has those things.

people tell me to calm down. and believe me, i try. i pray for it even, a peace of mind.

i don't think it is normal to feel a little relieved when the baby cries in the night - phew, he's still breathing...

i think i might like him too much. i keep trying to tell myself that someday he's going to talk back to me and say rotten things and i'll want to thump his mug. 

i don't think there is anything more important to worry about though.

advice, anyone? i'm not seeking "hayley, you're doing a great job" comments. seriously. i want something more along the lines of "pull your head out of your butt and relax." thanks.

last part of this confession: eating helps calm my nerves. i'm never going to lose weight.


garrett said...

So here's what I think. I think worrying isn't so bad, but don't let it overwhelm you. It is reasonable to worry about your kid, but you will make yourself sick by creating all sorts of scenarios in your head of bad things that can happen. Instead, let's focus on the great blessing he is in our lives. When he gets bigger and can get into things, crawl toward the stairs, etc., we'll prepare for those things.

There are a million bad things that COULD happen, and a bunch of bad things will probably happen. He'll fall, he'll be sad, he might break a bone, but we'll deal with those situations as they come, and do our best to prevent the worst, but let's not dwell on bad things that MIGHT be. He's so cute. He's so precious to us. Let's enjoy him more than anything now. When those thoughts of, "What if this happens? Or that?" think instead, "Isn't his smile the most wonderful thing in the world?!" Because it is. And if he feels how loved he is, and knows we're there to keep him safe and be good parents to him, we can probably avoid at least a couple of those bad things.

Holly O. said...

It is all about coping. Seriously. Hayley, everyone has those thoughts. Everyone has those worries. I remember waking in a panic and in tears when Connor would sleep through the night because I thought he'd died. You just need to let your rational side take over. It is okay to worry. You just can't have a panic attack over everything.

Which is hard to do. But know that just about everyone could work themselves into a tizzy in about two seconds flat. You just can't.

Jori said...

It's so hard! I don't have any good advice. I was a worry wart too. With Kaitlin I remember there was a a landing at the top of the stairs and I wanted Ryan to board it up because I was afraid I would trip with the baby and throw her over the side. At first I would sit down on the stairs and scooch down because I was afraid of falling down the stairs with her. I cried the first time she puked, and was always wigging out about SIDS. I have calmed down a ton with Hallie. I think time and experience helps mellow mama's out, and praying when you feel super anxious. Garrett is a smartie, love his comment.

Heather B said...

i don't think it is normal to feel a little relieved when the baby cries in the night - phew, he's still breathing...

I do this. Still, I do this. And my baby is not a baby anymore. So, maybe some peace of mind that you are not alone in your worrywartiness?

Oh and you saying "thump your mug" reminded me of this that I posted on Facebook:

Dear Jackson, Stop biting or you will be finding youself a to be a formula fed child. Love, Mom

and you wrote back this:

sweet letter, heather! :) from me it would be: dear baby, the reason i thumped your mug is because of your naughtiness. next time i throw you. love mom. i'm not as sweet.

My oh my, how life changes. Because dear, I think you are indeed just as sweet, if not a sweeter mommy than me.

Suzie said...

here's my 2 cents.

If you worry too much you can fall into the category of fear parenting instead of faith parenting.
I am so guilty of this with my first couple of kids.
But I have learned that if I get so overwhelmed with what may happen I don't live in the moment of what IS happening.
But really? You're doing just fine. This feeling you have is just an overabundance of love for the little guy. and that's good.

(now that I read over it I want to delete it.)