i don't know where to start. i'm pretty upset right now, so i might not make sense... but mikey isn't doing real well, although he seems to be just perfect. he's a peaceful, beautiful little baby and it is killing me to not get to spend every second with him. he was born by c-section, just after midnight on friday night/saturday morning. his lungs and temperature were a little bit of issues, he spent an hour in the NICU, but then got to come back to us. then yesterday, the nursery kept him a lot because they were checking his blood sugar levels and temperature, both of which he was struggling with, too. last night, after sheer exhaustion, garrett took him to the nursery so we could get some sleep in between feedings and about 45 minutes later the nursery nurse came in to tell us that he'd thrown up some green mucus and that they were sending him to NICU because that could be a big problem and they would do some tests. garrett immediately left with the nurse and i was left alone. i lost it, called my parents who'd gone home to sleep for the night as well & my dad jumped up and was on his way to me immediately. before he got here, garrett was back up to tell me the news: they were taking him to Primary Children's hospital to do some GI testing on him, cause the green mucus could indicate some massive problems with his stomach/bowels. good hell, this baby isn't even 24 hours old & i swear he doesn't cry unless you stick him with a needle or shove a tube down his throat. he's delightful. so it took about an hour of getting the lifeflight crew to arrive and get organized, and they let me hold him during that time... i did the ugly cry mucho. i couldn't believe this was happening. garrett followed in our car up to the other hospital and my dad & i went back to my room and rested for a bit. what i'm sure seemed like forever for garrett [about an hour] of testing, they ruled out any horrible sickness/problems. no immediate surgery required... mikey could come back to our hospital, but he'd be in NICU still. so he is. they've got him on IV fluids cause he isn't a real hungry little dude [although he's a good nurser. he just doesn't ask for it that much.] and antibiotics and the goal now is to get him to eat boobie or formula more so he can get weaned off the IV. i'll try to give him boobies as much as possible, but they'll also supplement him cause my milk hasn't come in yet. [i'll start pumping shortly.] in fact, we'll go back down in an hour to feed him some more.
this little dude has a sweet personality. he's darling. it is killing me that he doesn't get to be up here with me. i need to try and catch up on sleep though so when we're not feeding, i'm trying to get a little rest in. since friday morning, i've gotten approxiamately 4-5 hours of sleep. and honestly i've felt ok, it is just that i know this won't last forever & i really want to build some strength after a c-section so that i can take of my baby as soon as he's "ours" again. i'm also in shock, i'm pretty sure. i go through waves of calm and waves of sheer sadness where i can't stop crying. say a little prayer for him though - please. he seems just perfect but is obviously struggling. i can't even begin to tell you how kissable he is and how lovely all of his little features are. you'll just have to take my word for it. i'm going to go and try to dream about him for an hour.