thursday i recognized that i wasn't feeling well & hadn't been for a few days. i should've put two and two together sooner, but there was a lot going on. we were busy and emotionally involved in other matters. by friday i was forced to recognize my pains & identify the causes.
i have done this before is the thing. gotten bladder infections, that is. because of not drinking water. thursday night when i recognized that it hurt to pee & that i was going often, i reflected a little. i also hadn't had more than a few sips of water in over a week.
i spent friday at school tormented. i was running in and out of the bathroom constantly. i'm not exaggerating when i say that it was at least every 2 minutes. and boy, was it painful.
as soon as school was over, we rushed to the instacare. peed in a cup & of course, there's large amounts of blood, protein & other such nonsense in my urine. (by that time, i was actually peeing full on blood... scary!)
got medication picked up... got home & started taking pills. and laying down. and using the heating pad. my bladder ached. my kidneys were sore. i had no energy. i was feverish.
the reason why i wasn't paying as much attention to how i felt earlier in the week is because Garrett's grandfather passed away earlier in the week... now, you should know i really like old people. i just have a special place in my heart for them. so, while i had only met Arlo a few times, he was special to me. especially because i know how much Garrett loves him. i was hurting, cause i knew Garrett was hurting. on top of this, Friday night was the viewing with a family dinner beforehand. i wasn't up to going. i cried before he left... but i just couldn't do it. i cried after he left, i felt so bad that i wasn't going and supporting him. but i knew deep down that if i didn't give myself some time to heal then saturday wasn't going to happen either.
saturday wasn't easy... it was sad. it was painful.
i'm still recovering. i'm still peeing more than i'd like to be. but at least i'm drinking water. and taking better care of myself. Garrett, of course, has been wonderful. he's taken very good care of me. i love him. i hope emotionally that i've been able to help him a fraction of what he's done to help me this weekend.
one of the medications that i'm taking turns my pee bright orange. but, it also numbs my bladder, so i take it. it is freaky to see orange pee in the toilet. but it's better than blood red, too.
mom, i'm sorry. i don't know what is wrong with me. but, i've also decided that i'm quitting the full swing addiction problem that i was suffering from. i figure the dr pepper is what got me in this predicament. so i'm quitting. hold me to it. remind me, if you ever see me drinking again how horrible i felt this weekend... i don't know how i ever forgot it.