now here's a few things you should know. he grew up in tahiti. we met in hawaii. we'd dated off and on for over 3 years. we had broken up at one point because he didn't want to get married. when he found out that i was dating someone else, he came back & won me over. put on quite the show, apparently. i know some people might think me naive, but i honestly think he wanted to be with me. he just didn't want to get married. i'm not excusing his ways. he was a manipulative, lying, coward - that's just putting it the very nicest. but he isn't gay, though i've heard this time and time again. he wasn't cheating on me. he was just a selfish son of a bitch who got caught in a lie. he got caught between two worlds. one where he was actually in a relationship & another - that apparently, when he wasn't actually with me, where he wasn't in a relationship.
we spent most of our time at my house, not his. we spent most of our time with my friends, not his. i'd only met his family once, when we got engaged at christmas. they live in tahiti, so there wasn't much choice in that matter. but he did talk to them on occasion & he almost always spoke in french. i later found out, through talking to people at his office, that he never told them about me. his one roommate that i knew - he didn't know we were "together," although at one point when he saw a ring on my finger, he was confused. he thought we were just good friends.
ok. so the point of this is not to rehash my disaster that happened two years ago. the point of this little reflection for me is to share what i've learned. i've learned so much in the last 2 years.
- I've learned that you can instantly feel relief and gratitude, even in the darkest of moments in life. I knew right away that I was being protected & that the Lord knew what was going on. Unfortunately I loved that RB. I would've forgiven him anything. I would've "helped" him. If he had come to me & said, "Hayley, I've messed up." I would've done something. I wouldn't have turned and ran. My Heavenly Father let me suffer through the immediate pain, but He knew that I would be better off in the long run.
- I've also learned that family is a life saving report. My mom was on a plane and out to be at my side by Sunday. She spent over 2 weeks at my house, snuggling me, letting me cry when I eventually did start, and she just took over. My parents both got busy cancelling the wedding, getting a hold of everyone that they could - they made it so I only had to make a few phone calls. What a help. My mom also came to school and helped me through 2 weeks of high stress and testing. She was an ultimate life saver. The rest of my family was a huge support, too. I received many phone calls and visits and was overwhelmed with love.
- I learned that you can't get away with lies. Lies might be covered for a time, but not forever. I do realize that in this life, we might get away with a few lies, but eventually they will catch up to us. Luckily for me, the RB's dad was a fairly well known politican in tahiti. So by the time he landed in tahiti, his parents knew. Now, I'm fairly certain that he lied as much as he could to them, to cover his lies, but they knew. They knew he at least had lied about somethings. They were utterly embarressed, I'm sure, too. (Slightly bitter about the fact that they never bothered to apologize directly to me. They talked only to my dad... I think they should've apologized to me, but whatever. I'm sure he lied about things.)
- I learned that I don't want to just get married. I wanted to marry him, cause i loved him. I thought, though our relationship was imperfect, it was worth it. I quickly learned that I don't want to settle. I also learned that sometimes it isn't about what I want, but that I need to run things past the Lord. I never did that, so I never received an answer of "this is wrong." That would've been helpful. That was probably the hardest & most important lesson to learn. I'm sure I haven't fully learned it, too.
- I have come to learn that I still feel betrayed and hurt very easily. When people who I think love me make me feel hurt & betrayed, I don't get over it quickly. In fact, there have been a few instances, where I feel so hurt that even though a part of me knows I'm being ridiculous, I can't stop. I'm hurt. still. sadly. I am easily betrayed, and I don't think I was before. I just don't understand how people can do things to people they love. Yes, I realize I'm not perfect & have probably hurt others. I wish I could get over this part. I'm working on it.
- I've also learned that relationships need to have some level of jealousy and or checking up. I was never one to go through his phone, or check his email. I won't do those things, but I also will ask more questions. And not just accept answers that are so loose and vague.
oh yeah, happy birthday heidi!