12.03.2007

here it goes

i don't want to sound like a jerk here. so please don't be offended if i say something that you don't want to accept. but craig and i - we're not happening. this could end up being embarrassing for me - as he doesn't read my blog regularly, but has my blog address & could read it. but he's heard this all before, too. about how and why he doesn't date some of his friends. which brings me to my first point.

1) I'm not the only good friend that he has that is a girl. He's got a couple of other ones. I'd like to think I'm one of the top two, but I don't know. He's an awesome person, don't get me wrong, but he definitely has issues with relationships. He's had an on again off again (long distance) girlfriend for years. I also knew her in Hawaii & for completely unrelated issues (to him) couldn't stand her. This has been a strain on our relationship over time. He knew I didn't like her, but I felt obligated to try and be supportive. A week ago, he finally broke up with her "for real" but who knows. This has happened before - them breaking up. My initial response when he told me they broke up was "for how long?"

2) I'm not unassertive or unaggressive. I say things. There have been a few times over the years when I thought we were stupid for not at least trying. Twice in fact, have I brought things up & twice he shot them down. His reasoning: timing isn't right & he doesn't want to lose our friendship, if things didn't work out right. (and i hate to admit to it, but he's right. i would be devastated to lose him.) but the bottom line is: if I really wanted to kiss him, i would've at some point. i kiss people. i'm not shy like that. i go for what i want. so my conclusion has always been - if i wanted to kiss him, i would've at some point. we have never kissed.

3) i want the best for him. i want to help him find a decent girl for him. (as long as it wasn't her)
I think he's an amazing person. Potential to be an amazing father. Potential to be a great husband, as long as his future wife can handle ADHD. He's got a good job, he honors his priesthood, he's got his head on straight. I love him for all of those things. I even think he's handsome & should find a beautiful girl. but it doesn't stop me from taking you back to the last sentence in point 2.

4) i've always been able to be friends with guys. in fact, often i think they're easier relationships than with women. women can be catty, jealous & needy. men don't do that. as i've gotten older, and men have gotten married off, i don't have as many friends like that. but as long as craig's still around, i'll just enjoy what i've got. and yes, i do struggle, often, with the fact that being friends with craig is more fun & easier (less pressure) than going out and finding myself a real relationship. sometimes i try and spend less time with him, but not for the reason you think - my reasoning is this: to motivate myself to find someone "real" - hence why i'm on ldssingles.

the bottom line is people: i think he'd have to wake up some day and take some major big boy pills if he ever wanted something (which i don't think he does) from me and he would have to say something. cause i've put it on the table. and i won't. again. ever. its incredibly hard to say something like this to your best friend, after 7+ years. but i've tried, in the past. and i'm not risking things again. cause i have these inner battles with the issue, since i hear about this literally all the time. if i wanted it to happen, i am pretty sure i would've made it happen. i'm sorry if this isn't the response you wanted to these comments. but if it makes you feel more comfortable, in the future when i'm talking about him, i could type in some female name instead of his, like "marge" - that way the readers of the blogging world can just accept that we're friends.

13 comments:

Brittany said...

Hayley Jones I think you missed your true calling as an attorney. You make very clear, concise, and entertaining arguments. Although, I am somewhat saddened at the topic. Since I had lunch with you and Craig I had held on to some hope of such an arrangement!!

Holly O. said...

You and Craig feel like a couple, that is for sure. But I know you are doing a good thing by not waiting around for him or anything crazy like that.

Shelley said...

I never got the "romantic" vibe when you talked about him before. I've known you for a while, and I just dont' get the crush/couple type vibe from what you've written about him. Granted, I've never met him... but he seems more like a marge than a future husband. :)

Emily said...

You have to want to kiss a man for him to be good husband material, it's a must. Just enjoy your friendship. I was kinda wondering though why you didn't date since you blog about him alot.

Jan said...

I think it's just fine for you guys to be nothing more than friends. You, of all people, would be the one who would know that the feeling for more than that isn't there.

Kristi said...

I think guy friends are great to have around--he sounds like a great guy and that you're just enjoying your friendship with him for what it is. You're awesome like that. Although, if he doesn't mind, I will now be referring to him as "Marge" because that name is freakin awesome. I'm naming a future child that, actually. :)

100 Percent Cottam said...

i don't want to accept this. just kidding. i have no problem accepting this. hopefully i wasn't the cause of a hayley rant - wait, hopefully i WAS! because that would be cool. at any rate, i can totally accept that you guys are just friends. thanks for the clarification! :)

Melissa said...

Don't know "Marge" but I sometimes think these kind of things are either going to happen or not...it's like "My Best Friend's Wedding, but without Cameron Diaz!

Heather said...

I know I know I know. I did enjoy your "rant" as Natalie called it. You are right, as always ;)

tara said...

nothing better than a (platonic) guy friend. Much less drama. Some people CAN'T be "just friends" with a member of the opposite sex. Some girls are just not capable of it.
I'd say not wanting to kiss him in all this time is pretty good indicator:)

Jori said...

Guy friends are the best. It's funny when everybody wants to turn it into a romance.

Girl James said...

Hayley, I was unclear on that post...so you and Craig ARE lovers? Or you're not...hmmm...let me re-read. HAHA!

Naomi said...

Haley, I know you don't even know me, but I have to say this. He must be gay. If he hasn't fallen head over hills in love with you, then something isn't right. HIS LOSS!!!!