Natalie posted about her theme for life or for '08 today. and i posted a comment in response. and i just got home from a trip to costco with holly & the babies. connor and i enjoyed a hotdog & some soft serve yogret. don't mind that we dropped the dawg on the floor twice. 10 second rule - we're still alive. on the way home we enjoyed a new little game about saying hello and goodbye to the moon. blowing kisses and waving goodbye. "see you later!" it was pretty sweet. i love that boy. i love how he says my name. "helly" it sounds like. so true, dude.
anyway, back to the point of this post. if you haven't read natalie's post, do it now. and read comments, so you know where i'm coming from. i'm happy in life. i'm single. i'd like to get married. i miss having a close companion. but i have many friends & things are easier in so many ways, i'm not going to lie to you. but the biggest thing is i'm happy. i chose to be. i could be down in the dumps cause i got used and abused. i could feel sorry for myself cause my life is not what i imagined, ten years ago. but i am smiling, for the most part. i love children, and i'd love to have my own. sometimes it makes me sad to think i very likely won't have my own. cause the thing is, i'm not going to settle, like i've seen so many people do. marry someone just for the sake of getting married, cause they're in their late 20's and feeling nervous about it. and then eventually (after a few kids) end up getting divorced. i vow here and now i'm not going to settle. life is good on my own. i have my own life. i get to sleep thru the night. (when my squeaky bed isn't keeping me up) i'm in charge of the remote. i can eat whatever i want for dinner. ok. enough. i'm not saying i wouldn't want to have a husband - i would. i'd love to have someone in my life who honors his priesthood, who respects me, who is an amazing father.
so i guess what i'm saying is don't feel sorry for me. and don't pressure me to get married just cause you are. its great & i know all that religious crap about eternal families. i want it. but if it doesn't happen, i'll be fine. and i'm not going to get married just so you're not nervous around me. thanks natalie, this venting helped me! :) but i really don't think i am holding any pent up hostility towards anyone in particular. just saying.