8.02.2007

two funnies

ok. i'm a moron. in my last post, i meant to tell the story about last night @ the luau with the caramel dip. i also wanted to tell the story about the retarded girl & the fire... cause they both make me laugh.

(*Quick & Easy recipe for the caramel - 1 8 oz package of cream cheese, 1 cup brown sugar, 1 teaspoon of vanilla. soften cream cheese, mix. refrigerate first, if possible.)

so - one of the youngens, apparently didn't like caramel, and kept telling everyone that it was "gross," I had two people come up to me offended, saying "there's a guy who doesn't like your dip" i didn't care much, everyone's entitled to their own lunacy, right? anyway, it was getting dark & it was later in the evening. we were standing by the food. this punk kid, with a "jackass" jacket came over & pointed to the dip & said "that stuff - no good! don't bother!" I said, "oh really? i made it." he was so dumb. he said "oh, i just don't like caramel." i said, "i don't care, but you don't have to go around talking about it. keep your opinion to yourself." his reply, "i'm sure its good." perfect example of jackass. perfect example of "why do i have to get in people's faces?" situation. intimidate the hell out of people, that's my talent in life. (i think some of his spikes fell at that)

and the next story is quite entertaining. (also one of the biggest reasons of why I'll see you in hell!) this girl (there were many there though) was handicapped, some form of retarded, but also physically not quite there. She wasn't what I'd say a "champion walker." She was walking towards the patio, struggling... She approached the patio steps & needed help... so she grabbed a burning tiki torch. not just the tiki, but the literal burning part. i'm watching, from across the yard, in slow motion... already laughing. well, she ever so gracefully falls to the ground, and in the mean time knocks over the tiki... into the bushes. i'm watching in astonishment as the leaves are starting to spark. I couldn't move. But- I did do a little something to help prevent a yard fire. I grabbed Meeja, said "fire! fire! tiki torch!" and threw her in the general directions. oh my goodness. then the poor girl had the audacity to come sit next to me... to constantly remind me that i'm the devil & find rotten things hysterical. (i finally moved. i couldn't take it anymore!)

9 comments:

Mel said...

jackass boy sounds like an idiot. retarded girl sounds hilarious. i started laughing so hard and my class is working so quietly they all stared at me. hehe. i would have been busting up if i was there. i also am the devil! i'll see ya in Hell.

Heather said...

You are the devil :) Oh my that story was fuuuuny. Hopefully that girl didn't get burned, but easy does it there honey. As far as that idiot guy...I'm glad you let him have it! Serves him right. I love love love that about you.

Holly O'Keefe said...

Joanna all over again. You really are the devil. Makes me happy I am such an angel. haha.

Jan said...

That guy is totally a dork. Glad you told him how things really are -- the idiot.

Chris * Natalie * Maya * Mason said...

oooh my gosh, hayley! see you in hell indeed. i'm ashamed to say that i laughed at that. and i'll probably enjoy a few belted snickers throughout the day when i picture it again in my mind. also, love that you stonwalled spike. what an idiot, for real. sounds like he needed a poke in the eye. perhaps i'll be the one to administer it.

tara said...

save me seat...cuz that was friggin' GREAT. Thanks for putting mr. jackass in his place and for the laugh today

Kristi said...

Hayley!!! I am laughing my crack off (at both you & the girl, because I am evil, too!) Thank you for sharing this story! You're hilarious!!!!

Emily said...

I hate idiot boys, they need to be put in their place once in awhile, good for you. Fire girl? No comment....hee hee!

Jori said...

I just laughed like a hyena at that! My mom had to come over to see what was so funny. I read it to her and she about peed her pants.