8.26.2007

singles hell

so - I've been working on mustering up the energy to write about last night. It required a little nap during Pride & Prejudice. The activity was for 31 + last night @ This is the Place Monument/Park. And it was hotter than all 32,963 fat ladies armpit's. Yeah, cause in the fine print, I didn't realize that you had to be severely obese, mentally retarded or a child molester to get in. Sad for us, for not realizing it.

One ol' man, with more ear hair than head hair, a droopy eye & saggy everything, deemed himself worthy to talk to us. He asked me where I was from... I was being a little smart. So I tried to distinguish, originally or currently. He said originally. So I said, "Chicago," cause I'm nothing if not proud of my hometown. Then he said, "what'd you do there?" I said, "well, first I was born... then I was raised." Who did he think he was trying to pick up on me! The nerve! Kim was laughing at me. Cause I apparently didn't hide my pissedoffness very well. (Don't ever forget that it was hotter than hades & we were all sweating, generously throughout the course of most of the evening...)

See, the first hour or so, it was just me, Meeja & Kim. Two extremely entertaining friends, but I wanted to get the samhell out of there. Kim and I had almost talked Meeja into going. I even offered to treat to dinner. We were on our way out, when unfortunately we ran into two guys from Meeja's "special singles sunday school class," who wanted us to stay. They definitely made the evening more entertaining, but it was still hot & there were still a lot of smelly fat people around. Kim and I - well, we had fun during the balloon toss, although I was quickly reminded how unathletic I am. I wasn't opposed to just letting the balloon burst on the grass, if it meant that I was going to bother my back to get it.

And then there was the dancing. By then it was dark out, cooling off a little. But it was on a dirt road, so as soon as all the ol' hillbillies starting kicking up their heels, they also kicked up all the world's dirt. Fun for your contacts, let me tell you. And we got to enjoy the spectacle of the child molesters groping some fattie. Poor thing... (truly molesters were identified from my friend's past home ward!!! disgusting!) And then there was the solo bridge dancer. He had this tiny little bridge all to himself & boy, was he rocking out!!!

The best part of the evening - was when I watched a love connection happen. It started off a little awkward, this large marge of a lady fell down a little hill, off the sidewalk area, cause apparently she wasn't looking where she was going, but this sweet old fart rescued her & then proceeded to talk to her for quite a while. We were dying laughing. Yes, I did in fact stay close to that area for the rest of the night, in hopes of the chance of seeing someone else fall.

11 comments:

Holly O'Keefe said...

You are pure evil. Why were you at a 31+ event??? You are not that age.

Jori said...

Oh my! So sorry! At least you saw somebody fall. You really can't beat that.

Mel said...

I was laughing quite hard at your description. I can picture the whole thing. Hehe. At least you had the company of friends to suffer as well. Loved the story of the large marge lady that fell down the hill. Haha!

Brie said...

One can only hope to experience a night like yours...I've never been so lucky to see all of that in one night. Hayley, you are a truely blessed individual...can I get your autograph..ps, I love reading your blog and getting new books to read...KIT, keep in touch like when we used to write in yearbooks. Why don't we abbrev. everything? HAGS

Kristi said...

Oh man, Hayley! I love your description of the day--you make me laugh! Although, that sucks you had to hang out with fat molesters with droopy...ness. I loved that you waited in a certain area in hopes someone else would fall...aww, good times.

Heather said...

Oh yeah, I was laughing so hard I scared Hope and she almost started to cry, I'm crying too, but for a different reason-laughter. loving the old man with ear hair, large marge, and when you said when the ol hillbillies started kicking up their heels...oh funny!! (why are CM allowed at singles activities, doesn't anyone check on them??? that's BAD and I'm not laughing at that) Why the HECK did you got to a 31+ activity? Stay the heck away. Come try out Texas. You could spend your time between Houston and I'm sure we know a few people in Austin that could set you up???

tara said...

oh man. "child molesters groping some fattie...". I do believe that pretty much sums it up.
I soooo dig you hayley. You evil, wicked, evil girl.

Chris * Natalie * Maya * Mason said...

oooh my gosh, i'm dying! i am just picturing the fattie rolling down the hill over and over. toooo funny. sorry it sucked, though. 31+ activities sound dangerous.

Chris * Natalie * Maya * Mason said...

oh yeah, and i'm with heather. come to texas. i'll find some men for you.

Shelley said...

Sad. You're not those people. I'm glad you got to laugh at them a little though.

carrie pearson said...

Hayley you make me laugh! I like the single guy rockin on the bridge - very Napolean Dynamite.